The testimony of Stéphanie and Marie-Charlotte, lesbian moms

Stéphanie and Marie-Charlotte, mothers of Alix, 3, and Samuel, almost five months, have been married since 2018. Their family, which they usually qualify, is not yet fully recognized by law. In the grip of doubts and disappointments, but also driven by love and hope, they share their testimony with us.

“We took turns carrying our children. Me, Stéphanie, I carried our first, Alix, born in March 2018 and my wife gave birth to Samuel in October 2020. We were not yet married when our daughter arrived, so the adoption application has been pushed back. She officially became my wife’s child when she was eighteen months old. For my son, the adoption is not registered, in the eyes of the law, I am still not considered as his mother, but as a social mother. Until a few days ago, when Samuel had a health problem, this reality hadn’t really struck me. We agreed, my wife and I, that she would take him to the hospital, because if something had happened, having no rights over him, I would not have had the opportunity to take medical decisions for him. On paper, I am a third person.

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Even without the law we might have done it this way, I would have stayed at home with Alix and my wife would have left with Samuel, but having the choice and discussing it together is still good. different than having it imposed. When I got to the hospital the next morning, there was no guarantee that the doctor would agree to my going to see my son. Lucky for us, they were awesome and reacted right away by saying “ah, this is Samuel’s second mom, can we make her a parent bracelet so she can go?”

A visceral urge for things to change

When I was pregnant with our daughter, at the end of 2017, the Estates General began to talk about bioethics which was going to open a little later. At that time, La Manif pour tous spoke a lot on the subject, so I wanted to have a place where I could expose my vision of things, my feelings and give the opinion of someone who is in the course, so that it is not always the opposing demonstrators who talk about it. Instagram account Asking_your_mothers was born.

After Samuel’s birth, I admit I was very disappointed, I really thought that the law would be passed and that I wouldn’t have to go through it all again. I’m angry that three years after Alix we’re at exactly the same stage. On March 1, 2018, I went to the last debate of the Estates General with my big pregnant belly, I believed in it. I am amazed to see that during the three years that have passed, the whole of France has spoken about it, the politicians too, but that today, I still have to adopt my second child, because things have not progressed . The procedure, today, I can say that I “control” it, it scares me less than for Alix. However, if the law which opens the assisted reproduction had passed, the filiation would also have been revised and I would have been able to recognize my son from birth, which would have been much better.

To read also: PMA: “Christmas 2020 will mark the third without the baby that I expect so much”

Right now, going through so many procedural trials sends us back to the idea that we are not a family like any other. When I hear senators say that this is the right solution to protect families, I want to tell them no! My son is not fully protected today. If my wife decides to leave and cut ties overnight, she has the right to do so and I don’t think it’s not by giving full powers to just one of the two parents that you protect a family. This is not how we really take care of people. It is also for this reason that I campaign, so that social parents are, from the start, recognized as important parents for the child.

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Our two PMA courses went well, we were lucky, it worked pretty quickly for us. Of course, if things had been different and legal, the assisted reproduction gynecologist who follows us could have taken care of us from start to finish. Everything would therefore have taken place half an hour from our home and not in Barcelona. It’s always sad to see that this country does not allow us to start a family …

We are an ordinary family

Our two children being still in nursery, we have not yet had to undergo problematic behaviors. Alix will be starting kindergarten in September, so it will be a new step, but for now, everything is fine. It was in the context of a search for a nanny, once, that our situation posed a problem. I had announced in cash that we were two mothers, as I always do, and a lady replied that she could not take the position, because she believed that it made her uncomfortable. His answer didn’t really hurt us, on the contrary, as far as things were said from the start. We prefer that to someone who agrees to keep our child and makes him pay on a daily basis for a model of family that he does not endorse.

Yes, it is up to us to take the lead in announcing our situation to the world, but for now, whether it is the medical profession or the ladies in the nursery, we are surrounded by very caring people. The activists who write to us on the networks are always so desperate, but on a daily basis, in real life, we have never had any problems.

The touching message of a dad whose daughter is lesbian

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When society looks at our family, I would like it to just see that we are absolutely like everyone else. My son is going to be five months old, he loves it when you sing “pirouette, peanut”, it’s the only thing that calms him when he’s angry, like most babies. Alix is ​​3 years old, she has fun at the nursery with her friends. The one she is closest to has only one mom, no dad. The others often have a mom and a dad and she knows it, she understands it. She is 3 years old and yet she integrates all this better than some adults. Look, observe and get out of your clichés because we do not respond to clichés at all, we are a family like any other. “

Barbara ejenguele

A journalism student, Barbara is currently doing a work-study master’s degree and writes on parenthood for the Aufeminin Maman, Parole de Mamans and Avis de Mamans websites. She is also …