There’s an ideal age gap between two children, and it’s not what you think

The question of the age gap is at the heart of the discussions of the parents. And for good reason: the resulting organization is not the same whether you have children 18 months apart or 5 years old. Not to mention tired. Similarly, the age gap necessarily has an impact on the relationship that develops between the children.
In France, the average duration between the first and the second birth has been relatively stable since the beginning of the 1980s, around 3.9 years, with a slight downward trend in recent years. The duration between the second and the third child is a little higher (approximately 4.3 years) and follows the same evolution. Most often, parents wait until the first child is relatively independent before starting a new baby project. Afterwards, nature does not always allow us to plan a pregnancy. And some only want one child and you have to respect their choice. So 2, 3, 6 years apart, Is the ideal age gap a myth? or does it really exist?

Below 2 years, the (real) hassle, at the beginning?

In everyone’s opinion, less than 2 years is clearly not a cakewalk. Having myself experienced having children 20 months apart and then twins, I can assure you, I suffered more with the first two.
I still remember this baby, as it was a baby (although it seemed gigantic next to the newborn), potty training as I struggled with an infant who wouldn’t eat. . The arrival of this second child was an emotional, physical tsunami… and with the rapid return to work, finding an organization that stood up was extremely difficult. The advantages, because there are a few. I was able to get a reserved place in a crèche for my second because my first was already there. I have become terribly effective in the management of daily life. Then, growing up, the boys inevitably became inseparable. They play the same games, do stupid things together, bicker all the time, they don’t need anyone, they’re a bunch of friends together.

Between 2 and 3 years old: watch out for jealousy

At this stage, the children are still close enough in age to share many interests and, on the pregnancy side, it’s easier. Your body is ready for the next baby. But there are challenges, indeed, jealousy can be more intense. Your eldest who has taken advantage of his parents wants to keep a central place. He is also possibly in the middle of the “terrible two” phase.

Between 3 and 5 years old: the best age gap?

It’s easier for you. A 3-year-old child is more independent and can entertain himself when you take care of the little one. He is clean ! No more buying pounds of diapers and liniment. The eldest is at school, this allows you to spend time with your second child. It also seems that the rivalry is less present. According to specialists, this is the perfect age gap. They would lean more for 4.5 years. On the other hand, children are less likely to play together, especially if they are not of the same gender.

Above 6 years old: a little calm

You will likely spend more one-on-one time with each child. A 6-year-old is more mature, which means they are less likely to feel threatened, jealous or anxious when a sibling arrives. He needs your constant attention less.
For my part, I experienced the 8 away and I can testify that it is a very nice surprise. My eldest was 9, and his brother 8 when the twins were born. It was love at first sight, the big ones take great care of the little ones, they are madly in love with them.
Sometimes I feel guilty, because necessarily I give them less attention, but I have the impression that they have understood and that they like this new family configuration, which is messy to say the least. I tell myself that if I had waited longer, for example 10 years, maybe they would have been more indifferent because they had become ungrateful teenagers. In short, for me the ideal age difference is 7.8 years. Moreover, the site Cool parents make kids happy had conducted the survey in his community and it emerged that children with a gap of 7 years (and more) had a significantly better understanding with their brothers and sisters than the others. Still, the ideal age gap is above all the one that best suits your family dynamics. My advice from an old daronne would be to make the children in pairs, so they never get bored.

Editorial Director

Candice Satara directs the women’s editorial staff. Its mission: to support journalists in the production of relevant content on sites and social platforms. For 20 years, aufeminin has had the mission…