these 10 behaviors are linked to your trauma

Everyone has anxious behaviors. While some are simply human, others may actually be due to high anxiety. Among the best known are nervousness, fear of speaking in public or fear of crowds. But many attitudes, although common, are not so obvious. They hide in our daily lives and make us suffer without us even realizing it.

According to a new study, these symptoms are linked to our past traumas, a link having been established between experiences in childhood and adolescence and behavioral manifestations in adulthood. Most of these are avoidance strategies, induced by our “trauma brain,” which wants to avoid any experience that reminds us of a time when we were unable to escape discomfort. Here are the 10 most common reactions, according to Psychology Today.

1. Not answering the phone or avoiding making calls

For someone who doesn’t have social anxiety, answering the phone is considered a simple task (and not doing it is considered laziness). However, what distinguishes avoidance behavior from simple laziness is the adrenaline and cortisol spike experienced by people with traumatic histories.

For them, answering an unexpected call raises the fear that this action could lead to a conversation during which they might feel trapped, uncomfortable or in the hot seat. It brings to mind the feeling of having been caught in the act, of having been criticized or pushed aside by parents or loved ones, or of having been the victim of a violation of one’s privacy or boundaries.

2. Remain silent at group events or in social settings

Many forms of social anxiety can result from growing up in a chaotic environment, where our nervous systems were constantly out of whack, or where we constantly had to be “on alert”, ready to take care of someone. another or ready for a verbal altercation.

As a result, adult trauma survivors sometimes feel overstimulated in social situations. Group times, during which a high level of commitment is expected of us, are exhausting and require us to take “mental breaks” to recharge our batteries. Instead, we “switch off” – by looking at our phone, going to the bathroom to isolate ourselves, or becoming quiet.

3. Being nervous or uncomfortable when someone sits too close to you

A large number of people suffering from social anxiety like to have the cinema room to themselves, a secluded table on a terrace or an empty square of seats on public transport. Having someone sitting next to them can make it difficult for them to concentrate and be comfortable due to hyperawareness of the stranger’s proximity.

When we grew up in an environment where our boundaries were violated, we have a heightened awareness of other people and our position in a crowd or in a room. Thus, it is essential to have a large personal bubble to maintain internal comfort.

4. Position yourself strategically in crowded places

At restaurants or at crowded social events, many trauma survivors report that they prefer to sit with their backs to a wall, rather than their backs to a door or open space. Due to their constant state of hypervigilance, their nervous system keeps them “ready” to face any threat, even if it is irrational or unfounded.

Sitting so that you can observe the room and the people in it seems to ease that nervous tension, even if only for a moment.

5. Eating and/or drinking excessively

Individuals who have experienced trauma develop ways of self-soothing, often in the form of excessive consumption or complete suppression of certain foods or substances.

According to one study published in 2022, people who suffer from eating disorders often have a history of negative childhood experiences and trauma. Although not all anxiety-related behaviors related to food, alcohol, drugs, or tobacco meet the criteria for a disorder, there is often a link between a person’s use of these items and their negative experiences or unmet needs dating back to childhood.

6. Being nervous when an unexpected/uninvited person knocks on your door

There are generally two types of people in life: those who open the door to their house when they hear a knock, and those who hide and wait for the person to go away. If the first category is more widespread, some individuals suffering from anxiety sincerely struggle to accept someone’s unexpected or surprise visit to their home.

Often this elevated feeling of paranoia and anxiety is linked to childhood experiences where one could not escape.

7. Constantly apologizing, even for things that aren’t your fault

When we are constantly criticized or made to feel like everything is our fault, it is not uncommon for us to develop feelings of shame and guilt. People who experienced this type of behavior during their childhood tend to want to apologize all the time, even when they didn’t do anything or it wasn’t their fault.

This situation often results from emotional abuse or neglect in childhood.

8. Have the reflex to jump in an exaggerated way

When the nervous system is constantly out of whack, it is common to have strong reactions to noises or stimuli that other people would not notice or that would not bother most people.

Having an exaggerated startle reflex, or being continually “nervous”, is linked to trauma and abuse suffered during childhood (physical, psychological or even sexual violence).

9. Not wanting to have people over at home

People suffering from anxiety may not like having people over at their home, for the simple reason that they cannot decide when their guests will leave.

This is often because we are not able to control our own safe space. This is for example the case if we grew up in a home where boundaries were blurred and privacy was not respected.

10. Being more comfortable with certain people than others

Growing up in an environment where adults aren’t always safe and trustworthy leads many people to feel awkward or fearful around new people.

Trauma survivors have a strong sense of who they feel comfortable and “safe” with and who not.

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Rights of women and children, violence, feminism, gender, discrimination, parenthood, education, psychology, health, sexuality…. Joséphine loves deciphering all the social issues that drive our world today. She you …