These 12 Adult Personality Traits Reflect a People Pleaser Childhood, According to Psychologists

Have you ever heard of the term “people pleaser» ? This is an English term that has emerged in recent years in the world of psychology to describe people who feel the need to please people and always look good. To do this, they will constantly put the needs and desires of others before their own even if it means that they have to place their own desires at the bottom of the list. Unfortunately, even if helping and being of service to others is a valuable quality, the “people pleaser» often behave this way to the detriment of their own happiness and well-being.

Indeed, this personality trait can lead to a series of harmful consequences for mental health, including stress, disappointment, resentment and even a loss of self-confidence, it is in this context that the expression “you have to think about yourself» makes perfect sense. Psychologist and communications consultant Dr. Michele Goldman explains: “These people often have difficulty saying no and are constantly trying to satisfy the desires of others.“, and this from childhood for some of them! People who like to please others from childhood tend to develop certain similar character traits in adulthood, here are the twelve telltale signs according to psychologists.

1— Conflict avoidance

According to chartered psychologist, Connally Barry, “A person who seeks to please others is a person who often feels inferior to others.“, they will therefore always seek to make an additional effort to preserve the relationship and this therefore involves avoiding conflicts. “Disagreeing with others can be threatening to people-pleasers, and they usually avoid them whenever possible.” adds Dr. Goldman, specifying that for these people, a conflict can mean that they are in reality hated or perceived as difficult, an improbable situation for them.

2— They have difficulty setting limits

While some people may think that boundaries are bad, they are actually more than beneficial because they protect you and others. A “people pleaser“in childhood will have a hard time setting boundaries once they reach adulthood since they have always sought to satisfy the needs of others first before their own in order to gain their approval.”As adults, they have difficulty establishing and enforcing personal boundaries because they fear rejection or disapproval.” explains licensed psychologist Dr. Brittany McGeehan.

3— They suffer from anxiety

“People pleasers should always think about what the other person wants from them, make sure those needs are met, and do whatever they can to please them.” explains Dr. Goldman. A very stressful task since they are never sure they will succeed.

4— They let themselves be carried away

While this character trait is not negative, it can be toxic when it results from the constant need to want to satisfy the desires of those around us at the risk of never giving our opinion. The “people pleaser» will tend not to have «strong opinions (or may have them, but do not express them), are easy-going, and often apologize if they do something different that does not fit the wants and needs of the person they are trying to please” explains Dr. Goldman.

5— They feel a lot of empathy

Another character trait that is a beautiful quality when used well.Due to their nature as people pleasers, they tend to notice and take into account the feelings of others.“, explains Dr. Barry, but very often to the detriment of their own feelings.

6— They depend on validation from others

THE “people pleaser» tend to seek approval from others consistently even as adults.This dependency makes it difficult for her to feel confident and secure in her own decisions and actions.” adds Dr. McGeehan.

7— They are very sensitive to criticism

Even when the criticism is mild and constructive, a person who grew up trying to please others will feel lost and rejected. They will take the criticism personally, Dr. McGeehan explains, before continuing: “They can become very sensitive to any negative feedback, seeing it as validation of their perceived inadequacies. Consequently, they crumble as soon as they receive anything other than sincere approval.»

8— They feel great insecurity in their relationships

When we seek to please others, we also naturally want everyone to like us, which is why the “people pleaser» tend to be «sensitive to the slightest change in tone or action, because it makes them feel rejected” explains Dr. Barry.

9— They have chameleon-like behavior

It is very common to see this type of person adopting chameleon-like behavior as adults, trying to be like everyone else, even to the point of losing their identity.This submissive attitude also causes problems in romantic relationships, as they tend to end up in abusive relationships.” adds psychologist McGeehan.

10— They don’t listen to their own desires

By prioritizing the wants and needs of others, they repress their own needs and desires in the process, even having difficulty prioritizing them.

11— They feel chronic guilt

Being aware that they tend to put their desires second and have difficulty setting boundaries, they try from time to time to get out of their comfort zone by trying to put themselves first. This situation, which is in reality a victory, is perceived as a defeat for them since they will very quickly feel guilty about the situation: “This is usually accompanied by self-questioning… or regrets in the form of “I should never have…”” explains Dr. Goldman.

12— They have low self-esteem

“People-pleasers often find their value in how they can be of service to others.“, comments Dr Barry, a character trait that often has the effect of undermining their self-confidence.

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