When one of your friends or colleagues is grieving, it is best to avoid saying these 5 sentences, as it could be clumsy on your part and poorly perceived.
It’s sometimes difficult to find the words when faced with a loved one who is grieving. Sometimes, his simple presence helps a lot because he feels supported, supported and surrounded in this difficult moment. However, it is very common to offer condolences or to want to cheer up a person close to us, or even a colleague at workwho is experiencing bereavement. However, some words or sentences may be clumsy in such circumstances, without even realizing it.
Indeed, you have to avoid being too intrusive, overdoing it, philosophizing, talking about religion at this precise moment because it can be delicate… In short, several situations should be avoided so as not to accidentally hurt the person you initially want to console, even if it comes from a good feeling of course. Words sometimes hurt, especially in such a situation, and when they are taken so much to heart. Sometimes, simple banalities are enough to express support for the person concerned, if you don’t really know what to say. Sometimes it is better not to say too much than to slip up.
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The 5 phrases not to say to a grieving person
Start your sentence with “at least” is a very bad idea. For example, “at least she’s not in pain anymore” Or “at least he will have lived well”… This can indeed minimize the loss that your friend or colleague has experienced, and suggests that it is not that serious. Taking a step back in this type of situation, and moreover taking it in the place of the bereaved person, is inappropriate given their suffering. The second sentence to avoid is “Everything happens for a reason”. The reason is a bit similar to the first. Trying to put the bereaved person into perspective is not a good solution and neglects what they are going through.
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The third sentence is: “It’s God’s decision.”. As mentioned previously, it is very delicate to mix religion with one’s words in these cases. The person may not be a believer, or yes, and understands that you are not… Evoking spirituality can be comforting for people who believe in it, but you have to be careful with your turns of phrase.
These two other phrases that you should avoid saying when consoling someone
The fourth sentence is, however, very common. However, it does not necessarily do good to the person who hears it, and who suffers: “I know what you’re feeling”. This should not be said for several reasons. The first is that it brings your friend’s suffering back to you, even though it’s not about you. This can be seen as selfish or misplaced. Each person also has their own grief, their own vision of things and may not want to share it and associate it or compare it to that of someone else.
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The fifth sentence is this, also used a lot: “He would like you…”. It is very inappropriate to speak on behalf of the deceased person, even if you knew them well. Nothing authorizes you to send a message out of your thoughts in his name, and moreover in the direction of your grieving friend. What’s more, it seems to be a sort of moral lesson, something dictated.
Journalist
Originally from Toulouse, I moved to Cannes in 2021. It is therefore very close to the sea and palm trees that I have been writing for Au Féminin since 2022. Accustomed to …