If we tend to blame our partner by thinking that he does not put good will to ensure the sustainability of the relationship, we would also have an unconscious share of responsibility in these failed stories… Here are 5 signs that show that we is not ready to commit.
Do you always attract “don juan”, “serial seducers” and other unsavory adjectives? Your exes have nothing to do with each other and the only thing they have in common is you ? What if the “problem” was ultimately… your own person, or at least your way of choosing your partners? A great sage said: “We attract what we are”. According to this adage, the common denominator of our sentimental failures and our romantic setbacks is in fact ourselves. Some psychologists actually explain that thewe unconsciously choose partners who are not emotionally available because we are not ourselves… But difficult to become aware of it if no one tells us: no individual has an objective vision when it comes to him.
Thus, it takes a intrapersonal intelligence rather developed to recognize its share of “responsibility” in the sequence of these idylls ended precociously. Because how do you admit that you have a role to play in staying single when you think you want to settle down and commit to a long-term relationship?
What’s next after this ad
What are the signs that you are emotionally unavailable for a serious (new) relationship?
It would therefore be necessary to isolate oneself, to reflect on oneself to determine what one really wants. Where does this fear of feelings come from? Why do we think we want to invest ourselves seriously in the couple when our actions and behaviors say the opposite?
While waiting to have time for these future introspections, psychologists and other love relationship coaches respond immediately to our various questions. They have identified signs simple that will allow you to see more clearly and know with certainty if you are one of these individuals unconsciously reluctant and/or unwilling to engage.
Sign #1: You dwell and live in the past
The traumatic events past certainly influence the present of individuals. And if we haven’t taken the time to treat them well and treat them well, these traumas end up parasitize all our romantic relationships to come and by making (us) suffer.
So, if you often ruminate on your past pains, it’s impossible to move forward with another partner. Nurture your wounds to make sure they don’t bleed onto other people who didn’t ask for it and who may really want to commit.
Sign #2: You’re still thinking about your ex
Impossible to love others when the heart is already taken. If your ex is still in your head, in your heart, and on every part of your body: don’t venture into a serious relationship right away. Take the time to reflect on the past relationship, learn from this breakup, and heal from your last wound.
Indeed, it’s a safe bet that whoever comes next will involuntarily take on the role of “Pad”. However, a bandage only lasts for a while: it is “used” to heal, and when the sore is closed, it is removed. Same story if, on the contrary, you hate your past partner : there, it’s not nostalgia but anger that invades you when you think about it. You are angry, you sometimes want revenge, you stagnate and cannot accept to move forward… Result: your mind is not free and willing to accept a new story in a healthy way.
Sign #3: You’re Not Really Happy With Yourself
How can you love others when you don’t love yourself? Indeed, to invest in a healthy and lasting relationship, it is essential to have a good self-esteem : according to the American media Insiderpartners with low self-esteem are “more inclined to see their couple in black and white: either as good or as bad”. However, this Manichean and not very nuanced vision of the relationship leads to deep communication problems between the lovers; issues that can silently lead to the breakup.
Sign n°4: You have a very high level of requirement, even disproportionate
Have a good level of requirement is essential to maintaining healthy relationships that live up to the person you are. Indeed, having criteria, limits and asking the other to fulfill them, is knowing how to respect and be respected. Nevertheless, time, past relationships and accumulated disappointments cause some of us to be unreasonably demanding. How does this translate into reality?
You will find ten thousand excuses to justify that someone is not made for you… While everything is rolling. You go point out the slightest flaw in the personcriticize her, compare her to individuals who have already hurt you in the past to explain that you cannot consider her seriously.
Sign #5: You’re Afraid to Reveal Yourself Emotionally
In other words, you have fear of letting your vulnerability out in the presence of the other. You never talk about your feelings, never express your feelings, because you are afraid that this person will then use them to harm you better. However, to love and be loved, you have to be able to open up.