Parental burnout is often difficult to detect, especially because of its insidious symptoms. Yet there are already physical and psychological signs that you are pulling the rope. Explanations with Catherine Verdier, psychologist.
All parents know that caring for your offspring is exhausting. But for some, this role even becomes burdensome. They feel that they are overwhelmed by the situation and this results in health, physical and / or psychological problems. We then speak of parental burn-out.
Parental burnout is an exhaustion syndrome that occurs when the parent is exhausted and exposed to too much stress. The first mention of this term dates back to the 1980s. Yet it was not until the early 2000s that psychologists and psychoanalysts began to really take an interest in it. Moreover, the first studies on parental burnout in the general population were only carried out in 2017. That year, Moïra Mikolajczak and Isabelle Roskam, doctorates in psychology at the University of Louvain, published the book ” Parental burn-out: avoiding it and getting out of it ”(editions Odile Jacob). A work in which they attest that in Belgium, this syndrome affects around 5% to 8% of parents, fathers and mothers alike. In France, if the figures are not yet known, they could be similar.
Burnout can be badly experienced by parents, who are often in denial. Indeed, it is still a taboo subject. Parents feel a sense of failure, guilt, and shame because they tell themselves that they haven’t been successful in their role. In addition, it is difficult to detect a burnout, because the first signs are insidious. We often put this down to everyday life, when in reality our body and our mind are already sounding the alarm bells. But what are these first discreet signs of burnout and how do you recognize them to avoid it? We take stock with psychologist, therapist, analyst for children and adolescents and founder of psyfamille.
Read also: Parental burn-out: “I was ashamed to admit that I had not succeeded”
Parental burn-out: how to recognize the first signs?
For the specialist, the beginnings of parental burnout are reflected in signs “Of daily family life which will amplify and degenerate”. She adds : “Often you don’t see them right away, when these signs are linked to something deeper. ” Here are the ones that are important to recognize:
- The stress
- Tiredness
- Anxiety attacks, palpitations
- A certain impatience
- Annoyance
“The definition of burnout is still physical and mental fatigue. Fatigue, which is regular, especially when children do not sleep for several months or years, is insidious fatigue. It is very difficult to recognize it. The same goes for stomach aches or headaches, we say to ourselves that this is normal. While that does mean something. We don’t listen enough to our body ”, she explains.
Parental burn-out: succeeding in letting go
These symptoms turn into burn-out when “suddenly, we have this feeling of being completely overwhelmed, of not getting there, of not being perfect and that takes hold over time”. According to the expert, “There is tremendous pressure when you see images of perfect families on social media or in ads. Added to the pressure we put on ourselves, it leads to exhaustion. “
Understanding that we are at the end of the line and that our health is in danger cannot be done alone. “Spouses, family and friends, doctors, must also be there to sound the alarm and say ‘be careful, you are doing too much’. Parents, and especially mothers, often feel omnipotent. That is to say, they want to meet all the child’s needs, satisfy him as much as possible… but sometimes without giving themselves time to breathe. There is this concern for perfection and this problem of letting go that you do not notice yourself. But others can insist on this risk. “
On the parent’s side, it is essential to learn to listen to your body well, as Catherine Verdier explained above. “We must recognize that everyday injuries are signs that our body is asking us to slow down. It’s all a work of self-reflection, you have to accept letting go, accept that perfection does not exist, absolutely refuse self-sacrifice and above all, not isolate yourself and dare to ask for help. “
Moreover, she insists on the fact that more prevention is needed on the subject: “We should above all provide information on what burnout is and how it manifests itself. It can be done by doctors, pediatricians etc, so that parents learn to recognize the signs better. “
Read also: Parental burn-out: how to overcome it?
Books to help you
Today, several books are available on the market to help you overcome this parental burnout and find pleasure in your role as mom or dad:
Elise Poiret
Journalist specializing in parenthood, Elise writes for aufeminin and Parole de mamans. She is also very involved in the fight for women’s rights. If you only have to remember …