I don't know why, but as a child I was only afraid of one thing: to disappoint other people. Teachers, classmates, parents, friends, sports comrades – just to please everyone, I worked hard for years. The result: I felt this way towards the end of puberty overwhelmed and lostthat I had to rebel violently first. And: I never managed to please everyone …
Today, a few years later and a whole series of independent decisions later, I still value feedback from outside and I don't care what others think about me. But I am rid of the urge to please everyone. And do you know what annoying and exhausting habit I finally got rid of (admittedly with a little extra effort)? Exactly: to justify myself for everything and every shit – what a liberation (probably also for my fellow human beings)! Especially the fact that I no longer justify myself for the following five things before others made my life a lot easier. And helped me a bit to accept myself a little bit more …
5 things I no longer justify
1. No time.
Whether colleagues, friends or family, I do not always have time for all – even if I have no other plans. Sure, if I cancel a good friend or my sister, I give her the honest (!) Reason, because otherwise I would offend her. But then it can also be "I need time for myself" or "I'm not after company". Those who know and love me well will accept such explanations, and those who do not know me only have to know and accept one thing: My life, my time, my thing, what I do with it!
2. Bad on it.
On some days I deliver top performances and have an open ear for everyone and on others I can't bake anything and I'm annoyed by everyone. That's just how it is. What helps me personally on bad days: Accept, don't talk about it and concentrate on the most important things. Most of the time, the bad mood goes away on its own, and if not, there is more behind it and I deal with it.
3. My mistake!
I forget birthdays, sometimes put wrong commas, often do not do what I should, and regularly build really big crap. And then? I stand by and apologize if appropriate. That’s it. No explanation, no details (at least not unasked). Anyone who knows me knows that I always do my best, that there is a good intention behind everything I do, and that I learn from my mistakes because I take them to heart. And if you don't know me, I expect you to assume that to me – because respect includes trust, which is just as fundamental and unconditional to me as everyone else.
4. Offline.
I am not available around the clock and when I am on vacation I am not – for most people. The people around me have to accept that I don't always answer everything immediately. And also that they don't necessarily find out the reasons for it!
5. I see it differently today.
There are an awful lot of things that I have a completely different opinion of today than I did in the past – and sometimes that past is only a few hours ago. Anyone who sees this as a weakness, okay, but unfortunately I know very little and only know the world from my perspective. Therefore, in all of my judgments and opinions, there is a high probability that new information or experiences that I gain will change my opinion. Which information is that concerns me primarily, because I usually do not have to convince anyone.