This is how we make our children fit for the net: Expert gives tips on media education

Barbara.de: Why is media education by parents so important today? Isn't it enough if the children learn how to use them at school?

Patricia Cammarata: If the school did that, it would be enough. Experience has shown that the school does not do this, or if it does, then usually only the bare minimum. Unfortunately, there is still no comprehensive concept of how media education takes place in school, and it will be necessary in the long term that parents, as parents, do media education together with the schools. If only because the topic of cyberbullying in class chat is so big and important, for example, that schools have to take preventive action.

But aren't our children growing into the digital world anyway?

The belief that the children root themselves in there, they are digital natives, is a pious hope, but it has a fundamental mistake: digital natives are not afraid of contact, they have grown up with the technologies and are familiar with them, but the level to look behind it and ask yourself what it looks like with data protection, for example, or what are fake news? How do I recognize them? Or what do I do if someone contacts me whom I don't know? – these are things that children do not acquire on their own. Either you are lucky and it doesn't happen, or you learn it through painful experiences if we don't accompany you through media education.

But doesn't that often result from parents being overwhelmed by the multitude of new media and formats? How can we keep an overview?

The most important thing in my opinion is to acknowledge that it is not a failure if it slips away. Digitization is just progressing. You have to find a mechanism to stay halfway up to date. It is therefore advisable to start with media education as early as possible and not only when the children are in their teens, because then the field is so unmanageably large and you cannot really get started. Then it would be better to start small according to your age and then sway through the things that the child brings as a topic into the family.

Do you have a tip on how to keep yourself up to date as easily as possible?

What I can highly recommend is the newsletter offer from the Initiative, for example LOOK AT!, Growing up well with media or that Parents guide online to use. You don't have to be constantly chasing yourself, but the information comes to you – about which you can then exchange ideas with your child. By the way, children usually don't expect that you know everything, but that you follow the process and stay on the topic.

If you say you should start media education early, what exactly does that mean and is too much media consumption not harmful, especially for the little ones?

With young children it is of course something different than with older children. There is also a recommendation: No more than 30 minutes a day. But if you do research, there is no scientific basis for it. In essence, it is actually much more about the attention span in which a small child can follow a story arc and, above all, process it. It is much more important than the time limit for young children that you create a controllable framework and keep it as closed as possible: For example, five episodes of Maya the Bee. And then you will find that especially the small children do not need a wide range of offers. They love repetitions because then they can form a stable horizon of expectations and when it happens because they already know the result, it makes them feel positive and has a positive effect on self-confidence. Then it is perfectly okay if the child watches one or two episodes. One should only keep an eye on when the child becomes restless or fidgety.

And how do you assess that in the current situation?

The problem we have now is that the children have little physical compensation. That is why it is important to have a portfolio of different activities. Doing only one thing excessively is never healthy. Nevertheless, you can approach the whole thing pragmatically, especially in the current exceptional situation. Then it is also okay for the child to watch another episode with the mouse because mom and dad have to work. But it is also the job of the parents to compensate and, for example, ride a bike or go for a walk.

We have tantrums every time the TV or tablet is turned off. Can I do something preventively?

Yes and no, it also depends on the age of the children. If they are still very small, the impulse control does not work properly. If the children get into a flow state while watching because they are looking forward to watching something, then this instance in the brain releases a little. No matter what you have previously agreed or not. What can help is to involve the children from the start. Because as a parent you often negotiate what you want yourself. Instead, you can, for example, determine who is switching off and not how long to watch.

The bigger the children get, the closer the topic of smartphones comes. How do I keep control over what the teenage teenager consumes on the internet and puts on the net?

Yes, that's a legitimate concern. If the child has his own device, it is also on the Internet. It has access to everything – even if you exclude certain things beforehand. The kids are so fit, they just google how to get around these locks and then it takes less than 10 minutes … However, the age at which most children get a smartphone is often not necessarily related to the child’s wish, but is usually even triggered by the parents, namely when the child is in secondary school. Many parents even want their child to have a smartphone.

So that they can always reach their children?

Yes, the way to school is often longer, for example. And then there is this effect: If more than 50 percent of the peer group is active on the Internet, the entire peer group communication is also shifted to the Internet. And a child who has no internet is separated from his friends. This is definitely a point that should be kept in mind as a parent.

How can I best prepare my child for a smartphone and responsible use of the Internet?

It always depends on how far a child has developed and how much has already been discussed. For some children this is the case at ten, others take a little longer. In any case, you should have discussed a lot of topics beforehand. For example about:

  • What is age-appropriate content?
  • How do you react when you come across something that you find creepy?
  • How do you react when you have an account somewhere and someone speaks to you?
  • What images can you use on Instagram? So talk about image rights and the right to your own image.

Transitional phases are also helpful. That said, "Okay, we allow you to do that now, but we'd like to see what you post there in the beginning. And then we'll talk about each photo so you get a feel for why we are concerned about where. " With the child's consent, you can always check in between and ask: "Hey, what are you watching on YouTube right now or which influencers are you interested in?". Incidentally, most children do not see this as a control, but as an interest and care.

What about WhatsApp, Telegram and Co. How do I deal with it when my child only hangs on the smartphone?

Unfortunately, you have to regulate yourself first. This is a pubertal development task in which the children orient themselves away from the close family ties to their peer group. And that is not something that triggers the Internet, but something that involves human development. We used to make and use the phone and make phone calls when we were teenagers, and that's what kids do now using Messenger. To some extent this is totally normal. If it happens in excess, you have to address it and maybe make up times when you can get together and put the phone down. The rule should then apply to everyone.

But if I'm afraid that my child is addicted to smartphones? How do I tell the difference between still normal or already unhealthy?

Addiction definitions always work in such a way that excessive use and negative consequences go hand in hand over a longer period of time, i.e. at least 12 months. So neglect, which then leads, for example, to a deterioration in personal hygiene, that school duties are not taken seriously, that grades move downwards. These are signals that you have to take seriously and where you can also get advice. Most of the time, the addictive terms are thrown around too quickly. Because, as a rule, it is simply excessive consumption that belongs to puberty and which then also grows again. But of course it's a tightrope walk for parents. You should look at it carefully and find out where the limits are without immediately pathologizing it.

This is how we make our children fit for the net: Expert gives tips on media education

Patricia Cammarata has been online as "dasnuf" since 1997. She is an author, speaker and podcaster. Patricia Cammarata has a soft spot for digital topics and writes for the parenting guide "SCHAU HIN!", The "Let's talk" series, which makes parents fit in digital media.

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There are even more helpful tips and tricks for children and digital media in their current guide "Thirty minutes, but then it is over" and also in their podcast "Only 30 minutes".