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this is the best way to break up, according to science

A breakup is always painful, whether you choose it or not. Certainly, the one who initiates it has the advantage of being a little more prepared than the one who undergoes it, but both suffer in the end. Is there a better way to break up than the others? Is there a breakup in love that is less difficult for both parties? Science says yes! There she is…

There are many ways to end a romantic relationship; and even more since new technologies have interfered in our loves. Indeed, the latter have contributed to multiplying the means of ending it, and have provided tools that make the breakup easier to initiate for some. Today, we can not only break face-to-face, but also by interposed screens. Nevertheless, among this infinity of possibilities, science has affirmed that a way to break was better than the others…

But what is a “good break”? In the best of all worlds, the ideal breakup would take place calmly and without blame, without clashes or tears, without shouting or hysteria… Except that in reality, there really is no such thing as a “good breakup”. In fact, a “good break” therefore content to be a healthy, respectful breakup and who, by how it is announced, minimizes the suffering of the person left (even if we know it, we cannot control the feelings of others). It is especially on the way of communicating the rupture verbally that one determines the best way to leave your significant other. American researchers from theBrigham Young Universitybacked by research from their colleagues at theUniversity of Southern Alabama, looked into the matter. Here is their response.

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The best breakup according to science

In love, it’s better break up bluntly “beat around the bush”, explain linguistics professors and researchers Alan Manning and Nicole Amare. They therefore recommend to carry out “a direct, point-blank break.

Certainly, they agree: this breakup may seem brutal and “a little too harsh” at the time, but it’s actually kinder to the person left in the long run. Why ? Because it favors claritythe franchise and thehonesty. However, during a separation, it is these same aspects of communication that allow you to move forward and turn the page : they offer a cognitive fence to both parties. Telling someone clearly that you want to leave them without having to cut corners is therefore already a first step in doing it well.

Of course, it would also be necessary for the background follow: let him explain the causes of the breakup and allow the other to understand why “it’s over”. “The more the breakup is explained, the easier it will be for the other to move on (…) what is very painful is not understanding, getting stuck in incessant questioning”explains psychologist Lisa Letessier to our counterparts in Psychologies. But it is the one who initiates who chooses…

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Things to avoid for a less painful breakup

The scientists are adamant: to announce this bad news, there is no need to coat the speech or embellish the terms to better pass the pill. It would be counterproductive. Indeed, if the speech is not clear, the person left could find it difficult to understand what you are trying to say to him, cling to the nice words you serve him, and secretly fuel the hope that you will find yourself a day… Which further complicates the phases of the rupture and slow down the stages of mourning in love.

During the moments before the announcement of the separation, the best thing is not to pretend that everything is fine. For example, imagine that this is done around a dinner: you have a drink, eat with future ex, discuss as if nothing had happened and suddenly, after 15 minutes, you end up bringing the subject on the table. Your partner, who then thought that everything was going perfectly since the dinner started well, falls from his chair. Besides being sad, he can feel betrayed by your misleading introduction. You thought you were doing things right by sparing it… In the end, the disappointment is even greater than if you had done it directly. Must therefore get to the heart of the matter as soon as possible. As to how to bring the thing, “all you need is a ‘we need to talk’ buffer phrase“explain the teachers of theUniversity of Southern Alabama.

Open-minded and in love with life, Emilie likes to decipher the new phenomena that shape society and relationships today. Her passion for the human being motivates her to write…

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