Serenity, patience, fifty-seven thousand and three nerves of wire … yes, all of that is needed as a mother. But there is this one skill that you MUST have as a mother. Otherwise you go insane and with you the whole family.
I like educational guides. I usually don't listen to them, but I like them. Simply because I feel so understood after the case studies in the first chapters. With three children, life somehow became very exciting, sometimes a little too exciting for my taste. If you try to get cough syrup into a wheezing toddler at the same time, practice reading with an overwhelmed first grader, and also explain to an annoyed 13-year-old why jackets make sense at 3 degrees Celsius, it can overheat your hard drive . So it’s really good if you know that the others are the same. Sometimes they don't know how to do it. And then they get loud or snappy, a little unjust and then sad. It's the same everywhere. And that helps.
I wanted it all, all the terror and the gold
With the good advice I always stop reading. My common sense is enough to guess that my mood is transferred to the whole family. I know that. I have also heard of the concept of mindfulness and I am absolutely aware of it. how sensitive children's souls are. All of this has been clear to me for a long time and I try very hard to implement all of this in everyday life. Each of my children is a child of choice and will always be. As Sarah Connor sings so beautifully: "I wanted it all, all the terror and the gold." So I really want to be a good mother to them. One who knows what she's doing. And yet I remain human.
What mothers really need to be able to do
There are a thousand articles and many more books about what parents should be able to do to raise their children healthy. And there is definitely a lot of useful stuff. But I think there is a skill that is completely underestimated. Because as a mother it's a bit like being a speaker. First basic rhetorical rule: mistakes happen. Go on. If you give a speech and get confused, you just have to keep going, get yourself back on your feet quickly, and in no case be angry with yourself. It's the same with upbringing. The moment you are given a child, at that very moment, it is already clear that you will be doing a lot wrong. You will judge unfairly, answer carelessly, expect too much and too little, be spoiled and be too harsh. All of this will happen to you again and again. And that's ok. There are no perfect mothers. And therefore: FORGIVE YOU! If you can, you have the most important skill a mother needs. Just forgive yourself. Over and over again.
So many mistakes
Forgive yourself for becoming too loud, saying something stupid, giving your child a jacket that was too thin in the daycare center, and once, in the presence of the children, saying to your husband that he was an idiot. Forgive yourself that there were pancakes with cinnamon and sugar instead of beet soup today, forgive yourself for not realizing what your child just needed from you. You have made many mistakes and new ones will follow every day. I'm not talking about mistakes like violence, humiliation or real negligence. These mistakes must not happen, we agree. I am talking about all the little things that sometimes happen differently than you intended.
We do our best, we have nothing more. So let's just be a little more polite with ourselves. This is the most important skill we need to raise happy children and be happy ourselves. The best thing about it? Self-love and forgiveness make you more relaxed. And those who are more relaxed have much less reason to get excited about themselves.