You have surely already been confronted with “dad-blessing” without realizing it. This phenomenon only accentuates the inequalities in the families and the exhaustion of the mothers.
Even if the inequalities within the couple are increasingly brought to light, there is still a lot to be done for them to disappear completely. And in many situations, especially in the management of children, it’s painstaking work that sometimes seems useless but never really is. Inequalities in the family are measured in several areas: meals, homework, clothing, extra-curricular activities and health. Doctolib revealed in 2022 that, on the platform, 81% of medical appointments for children are taken by women. And this is just one example among many others.
In the many examples that deepen inequalities within families and increase the mental burden of women, there is the “dad-blessing”, or the fact of congratulating the actions (yet normal) of the fathers. Changing the diaper, giving the bottle, dressing the children for school, those tasks which do not arouse emotion when they are carried out by women, are sometimes applauded when they are made by men. Enough to support the stereotypes already well anchored in our society, being a mother is “natural” so there’s no need to make a fuss about it, while being a present and invested father is an effort, and sometimes a miracle, so he should be congratulated.
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Why is “dad-blessing” exhausting for mothers?
It’s not a figment of our imagination, dad-blessing is a reality. On social networks, for example, fathers who share their daily life with their child are often rewarded with numerous messages of admiration. It was Alexandre under the pseudonym Papa plume who had given his testimony in an article for aufeminin. And for him there is no doubt: “This tendency to put invested fathers on a pedestal is called ‘dad-blessing’. I learned this term recently. … Conversely, mothers are harshly judged if their actions or thoughts fall short of the function that patriarchy has historically assigned to them. This is called “mom-shaming”. “Dad-blessing” is opposed to “mom-shaming” and unsurprisingly, the first is very positive while the second is negative and heavy. We never point out to a mother that she is “very invested” but on the contrary, she is pointed out when she works too much and isn’t at home enough. We never tell a dad that he works too much, but we congratulate him without problems when he is “invested” in family life.
To remedy this phenomenon which increases the mental load, it is necessary to operate some simple changes. We no longer say that a dad “helps his wife with the children”, he just takes his rightful place. And rather than blaming mothers for what they forgot to do, we congratulate them for everything they do on a daily basis. It is always possible to reverse the trend…