psychology
This one thing can save relationships
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There is something in human relationships that is so profound and important that it can transform hopeless and difficult situations. You can find out exactly what that is here.
Having devoted and genuine relationships sometimes sounds easier than it is. We often have romantic ideas about love. Once it clicks, everything goes by itself. And yes – maybe that may be the case when you first fall in love. But when a few months have passed, the tide turns. Therefore, we should know at the beginning of every relationship: Partnerships are work. Work together, but also work on ourselves. That doesn’t mean that we have to optimize ourselves to fit into a certain role. However, we need to recognize our childhood traits that, without realizing it, sometimes get in our own way.
No matter where and how we grew up, we almost all have one thing in common: We find it difficult to show ourselves vulnerable. Maybe because our parents taught us not to cry when we fell. Maybe because we haven’t learned how to deal with feelings or because we’ve been judged for being too emotional. While that is Showing vulnerability is extremely importantto lead healthy relationships or even to save partnerships.
When you’re vulnerable, you get a different perspective
Facing another person with a mixture of blunt honesty, radical authenticity, and compassion is one of the greatest dares we can do as humans. At the same time, this behavior is that The foundation of strong, loving and above all healthy relationships. Because while most see them as a weakness, vulnerability—and the ability to show it—is actually the greatest strength.
In arguments, we often choose between fighting and fleeing. The things we fight about are just pretended problems that don’t really have much to do with our pain. They are a kind of protective shield that is supposed to cover our true fears and feelings. When two people keep ducking and tightening their positions, a fight is the only possible outcome. On the other hand, if we and our counterpart loosen our guard and weaken our chosen attitude, everything changes. In other words, we need to say what we really feel instead of blaming our partner.
This is how we begin to understand an argument from a new perspective. We become sensitized to the triggers and can re-understand the problem underlying the dispute. We develop compassion, connection, and understanding, and are willing to be as vulnerable as our counterparts, rather than blaming each other that only makes the situation worse.
The solution requires two people
Of course, all of this only works if everyone involved pulls together. There’s little point in being the only person to be vulnerable. Although our own vulnerability often encourages our counterpart to do the same, this cannot be generalized. Some people don’t have this emotional intelligence because they may not have gotten close to themselves. That’s perfectly legitimate. Our task is merely to notice this and accept that we cannot go any further at this point. That we cannot save or teach anyone. That the willingness to open up has to come from within ourselves. We can’t force anyone to do it.
But if we manage to create a safe space for both parties with an emotionally accessible person in which we can show our complete vulnerability, then we can solve relationship problems instead of rehashing them.
Sources used: The School of Life, Youtube; yourtango.com