Sometimes during an argument your words go beyond your thought? This behavior can do a lot of harm to your partner and your relationship.
“If you go to that nightclub, I’m going to ask for a divorce!” “,” The last woman who did this to me, I left her! “,” If you don’t do that, it’s because you don’t really love me “… During an argument with your partner, under the influence of anger, you have an annoying tendency to utter a large number of threats? These words that sometimes seem like nothing can actually destroy a lot.
Read also : How to argue well to come out more in love?
Threats and emotional blackmail, a form of emotional hold
Threatening to break up, divorce, no longer love, or anything like that sends a message to your partner that you are not in the relationship. This kind of manipulation can cause the other person to move away, little by little. This also includes emotional blackmail, which is more insidious, but which also turns out to be a form of emotional control, as Sylvie Tenenbaum, psychotherapist and author of numerous books, told us. “We promise the person something unpleasant to go through if they don’t do what we ask them to do. And in particular, she is threatened to love her less, to take less care of her, or even worse to abandon her or leave her ”, the specialist confided to us.
For psychotherapist Jenn Mann interviewed by InStyleArguments are inevitable in a relationship, but it’s the way we deal with them that can make the difference between a healthy relationship and a conflicted one. A “good argument” can be quite lively, but always with respect for the other, it helps the couple evolve. When we pass the stage of anger, cries, threats, we enter a form of manipulation, to impose our point of view on the other. “We’ve all said things we regret in an argument with our partner. When we are hurt, angry, shocked or scared, we are more likely to get carried away. The goal is to learn to recognize these moments and to control his impulses to stop in order to transform a difficult moment into a productive discussion, instead of making it worse and derailing your relationship ”, she explains.
How to get out of this behavior?
Threats not only often make the situation worse, but they also prevent communication and destroy trust in your relationship. “It is a manipulative and fear-generating behavior”, Jenn Mann believes. “Threatening to leave your partner is emotional manipulation. The fear of losing someone you love is a common fear. Who doesn’t have abandonment problems? But playing on those fears can create anxiety and depression, especially if your partner has mental health issues ”, she continues.
To communicate better and learn to discuss angry matters without hurting yourself, it is best to approach behavior on several levels. Jenn Mann details several tips to put in place with InStyle.
- Take time out. Commit to taking “time out” from an argument before things turn sour in your discussions. Explain to your partner that you need time to calmly and productively discuss: “I’m too upset to think properly and I need time to calm down. See you in an hour ”.
- Get therapy. Take the time to work on yourself and understand why you feel so edgy and how you can better control your impulses. This requires being prepared to recognize your share of responsibility in the arguments and to make changes.
- Address the problem. Most couples have issues that keep coming back in their relationship. We need to tackle these conflicts and have a constructive dialogue together to prevent them from recurring.
- Try to control your anger. Seek help from a healthcare professional to learn how to better manage your anger and emotions. Meditation, sophrology, psych sessions, sport … There are many tools that can help you.
“These kinds of threats are paradoxical for establishing a healthy romantic relationship. Whether it is with this partner or with someone else in the future, you must ask yourself what prompts you to do this. Words are important and learning to express yourself in a more thoughtful and loving way will definitely help all of your relationships ”, concludes the psychotherapist.
This amorous behavior announces a future divorce and it is science that says it!
Marion Dos Santos Clara
Lifestyle journalist, Marion writes on topics related to psychology, love and sexuality, from a societal perspective. From sexualities to new love codes, she deciphers the …