This toxic tendency is more and more common in romantic relationships (it’s worse than anything)

After the situationship, the girlfriend fluffer, the phenomenon of the 4 horsemen, polter-ghosting or even spider-wedding, a new toxic trend is making life difficult for romantic relationships. It’s about “benching“. Have you never heard of it? It’s completely normal. On the other hand, you may have been a victim without knowing it. This phenomenon, more and more common in recent months, can really break trust in oneself (and the heart) of a person It must therefore be avoided at all costs.

Have you ever felt left out while dating someone? You know, when you feel like you’re not #1 in the heart and mind of the person in front of you. This is literally what “benching” means.put on the bench” in French). It’s the idea that, unfortunately, you are not the starter on this person’s potential love team. Rather, you are a substitute, a member of the B team, a second or a reservist if you prefer. In other words, this person keeps you close just in case she wouldn’t be able to find someone better… But you are far from being her priority.

What is “benching”?

“Benching” has become a new flirting term to describe a practice which seems more and more common. There is even a hashtag #benching on social media such as TikTok, which people use to describe their experiences. And – spoiler alert – many of these experiences haven’t been positive (you don’t hear many people say, “You mean I’m number seven? I’m very lucky he’s interested in a little to me. Maybe one day I can move up to sixth place).

Usually someone sidelines you because (let’s be real) you don’t really match what he’s looking for. You may have things that appeal to this person, such as a “nice” personality, a certain sense of humor, cooking skills, a shoulder to cry on, money to take them to good places. restaurants or being often available… But in this person’s mind, all that is not enough. She may already be with someone else,she lusts after someone else or that she at least has someone else in mind.

The 6 signs that you are a victim of “benching”

Unless your relationship goal is to forever be a substitute, watch out for the following 6 signs in someone you’re dating that indicate you’ve been sidelined:

• It has limited availability : If the times you can talk or see each other seem too restrictive (for example between 7 and 9 p.m. on Mondays on odd days when the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter is aligned with Mars), this is usually a problem. bad sign.
• She shows inconsistency : When someone acts very inconsistently, it may reflect a real lack of interest and care for you. One of the most common manifestations of inconsistency is when the person in question regularly changes their plans at the last minute because a better option (than you) presents itself.

• Your interactions are one-sided : If you do all the work and you don’t get enough reciprocity, you are clearly a victim of benching.
• She mentions other potential meetings : is it really necessary to explain? When someone talks to you about their other (possible) conquests, understand that you are on the sidelines.
• She uses almost explicit terms : without necessarily telling you that you are on the sidelines, the person you are dating may say things like “I just want to be friends”, “Let’s take our time because 47 dinners are not enough to get to know each other “, or “I don’t really want to date anyone right now, even though I’m on Bumble, Hinge, Tinder, and every dating site known to mankind.”
• You feel like you’re being sidelined : listen to your intuition. It’s not common to go from “I feel like I’m being left out” one day to “Yes, we’re a happy couple” the next.

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Rights of women and children, violence, feminism, gender, discrimination, parenthood, education, psychology, health, couple, sexuality, social networks…. Joséphine loves deciphering all the social issues that drive our world…