No matter how authentic and confident we are – we all wear different masks. Which and why, you can read here.
At least since Instagram, but actually since the emergence of the theater in antiquity, we have known that people can pretend excellently. The influencer, for example, who we only ever see self-confidently presenting stylish looks in the typical Insta pose with protruding legs, buttocks pushed back slightly, smile and filter, probably bums on the couch in sweatpants on Sundays and is perhaps not nearly as self-confident and happy as she pretends to be. And Wolfgang Bahro, who has played Jo Gerner at GZSZ for ages, is definitely not a bad villain in his private life (although GZSZ fans know that Jo Gerner is actually quite nice now).
But not only influencers and actors can pretend and do it too. To be honest, we all wear different masks (not just during a pandemic) – sometimes without even realizing it.
The three faces in Japanese culture
In Japan, people are apparently fundamentally aware of this, because there it is said that every person has three faces: one that is shown to the world, one that close friends and relatives get to see, and a third that is only revealed come when you are alone. And at least as a rough classification, that makes a lot of sense.
The face that we show "the world", for example, must appear as competent and invulnerable as possible, because theoretically it can be seen by someone who wants us to do something bad and would exploit weaknesses or sore points. At the same time it should come across as friendly and arouse sympathy, because only then will we be treated mostly nicely by others – and that is very important if we don't want to constantly fight against bad moods …
Close friends and family we can and should show completely different sides of ourselves than the world: We share our secrets, feelings, doubts, worries, moments of happiness with them, tell them our honest opinion, even if it is not exactly politically correct and is dedicated. All of this creates closeness, trust and intimacy between us and thus distinguishes our long-term connections from fleeting coincidental or purposeful relationships such as those with strangers, superiors or colleagues (although there are of course teams in which the connection is already friendly).
But even our closest confidants usually don't show the face we wear when we're alone. When we don't have to or don't want to be considerate of anyone, and nothing we do has any effect on others. Our lonely face is deeply selfish, but that's okay – because we need moments when we only care about ourselves, and because we don't harm anyone. On our alone face, thoughts, moods, doubts, feelings and the like are expressed even more unfiltered and more intensely than on the other faces, because even if we cry in front of our friend and trust her with almost everything – every person has thoughts and sides in them, which he does not reveal to anyone. And all of that is perfectly fine.
Adaptation is human
Some people understand by being authentic, staying true to yourself and standing by yourself that you are always the same. Always look the same, always have the same opinion, never deviate from your values. But not only are people complex and diverse, life is too. Different situations and purposes require different faces. Linguists noticed decades ago that we talk differently in different contexts; this is called code switching: In an interview we (hopefully) express ourselves differently than at brunch with the BFF. This is natural, human, and appropriate behavior; anything else would be extremely strange. And exactly the same goes for our three faces. It is in our nature to change, change and adapt – it is only important that we recognize ourselves with every mask.
But what good can it actually be for us to be aware of these three faces, which can possibly be a lot more (for example, I have three completely different faces when I'm tired and overworked than on vacation or on the weekend … ): Should this knowledge make us more suspicious? Or colder? Or maybe because of this we would rather decide to judge others less quickly – because we only know one of their sides, but by no means all of them? In any case, we can now relax if the face we see in the mirror in the morning doesn't even begin to look like the face of the influencer on Instagram – because comparing her world face with our alone face would be like apples and Facing avocados: Total nonsense.