Triolism is one of the most recurrent fantasies of the French. How to take the step from a simple fantasy to a real naughty adventure? How to choose the right partners? We guide you.
Making love to many would be a fantasy shared by 31% of French people, just after outdoor sex, according to a study by the sex toy manufacturer We-Vibe *. Moreover, 1/5 of them have already satisfied this desire and a third would like to try the experience, men in mind. So, should we realize this fantasy and take the step of the threesome?
Threesomes, hff, hhf … what are we talking about?
Threesome is a sexual practice that involves not two but three people. We often find the terms hff (man-woman-woman therefore a man with two women) and hhf (man-woman-woman: two men with a woman). But triolism concerns above all a sexual relation between three people, without limit of gender or sex.
This practice is done on the basis of sexual communion, where the three partners are consenting and seek new pleasures for three. It logically lasts only the time of the sexual act without implying a life in common with three or even a long-term relationship, which distinguishes it from polyamory or from household to three.
Should we take action?
The big question that will certainly never find an absolute answer is whether a fantasy should remain pure fiction or whether it should be realized. Fulfilling your fantasies can be beneficial for a couple by re-boosting desire and fostering a certain bond.
But others will add that a fantasy must remain of the order of the imaginary because to give in to all your fantasies tends to push the limits further and further and risks damaging sexuality, since nothing is left becomes exciting. The right compromise would therefore be to make the most "accessible" and keep the most eccentric or extreme dreams for your naughty dreams.
How do you know if you're ready for a threesome?
Taking the plunge is not such an easy decision. How do you know you're ready? First ask yourself why you want to do it. Is it because you want to try a new experience, out of curiosity, to please your partner? If you are ready, you will feel confident and involved in this project. On the other hand, if you feel fear, anxiety or embarrassment, this may not be the right time. Ask yourself about your desires. These must come from you or from a common desire with your partner, and not from a desire to please, or to satisfy the desires of the other.
The main thing is not to give in to a quasi fashion phenomenon. Without dramatizing sex, we should not trivialize triolism which can turn out to be either a very fun experience or somewhat traumatic. Having a fulfilling sex life does not necessarily imply threesome sex.
Once you've made your decision, it's time to take the idea to your partner. It is above all to explain to her why this tempts you, but also to reassure her. Making a threesome does not mean that we no longer like it, nor that we want to look elsewhere. Take the time to ask them what they think about it and discuss it. As with any other sexual practice: communication remains the key.
Threesome: how to choose your partners?
The main thing is to feel comfortable and confident. If you are in a relationship, getting into a threesome with someone to whom no one is emotionally attached can make the urge for an overnight relationship easier to achieve. Try to establish a framework, several questions are to be asked with your partner: what are the authorized practices? What limits do you want to set?
If you are the "guest", choose a couple you know or not, and with whom you feel good. And if you are offered to take pictures of your threesome, don't feel you have to accept: just because you're participating in a threesome doesn't mean you have to accept everything. The important thing is to discuss it with your partners, so that everyone can express their feelings.
Threesomes: they share their experience
“I was on vacation with my best friend, at the time on a university exchange in Italy. We had already raised the subject several times in jest. One evening, the opportunity arose during a party, we did not really think, we just flashed on the guy in question. At the time, I found it rather exciting, what I particularly liked was the voyeuristic side, seeing my friend and this guy having fun while I was taking it too. It penetrated us successively, it lasted long enough. But looking back, I think it created a lot of embarrassment between me and my friend. We never really talked about it again. It is as if everyone had buried this experience in their memory. "
“I tested triolism several times, which allowed me to see what I like and what I don't like. In a relationship with my boyfriend at the time, I think I especially wanted to please her and put myself in competition with another woman, which may seem a little maso! Seeing him with someone else made me jealous, I didn't take advantage of the moment at all, I was in the performance. I reiterated a few years later, with a couple this time, I was the "patch". But to my surprise, I didn't feel like it at all. No one was left behind and I felt like I was part of their privacy for an evening, as if I were a gift for them. I keep a very good memory. "
* Study carried out on 9,000 men and women around the world.
** First names have been changed
See also: 5 misconceptions about polyamory
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