Toxic upbringing
Toxic Parenting: How It Affects Children’s Lives
With toxic parenting, the thought of a loving upbringing may be present—at the same time, your child is being abused on different levels.
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Toxic relationships also exist between parents and children – and the consequences of such parenting extend into the children’s adulthood.
At the end of the day, parents are human – and everyone has rough edges, emotional baggage and trigger points. And while every child deserves to grow up in a loving, happy, and respectful family, unfortunately that doesn’t always happen. It is clear that most parents really only want the best for their child and will do their utmost to achieve it.
But even love can become toxic when it violates boundaries, creates dependency, or is conditional. In today’s society, we look at our relationships more critically, questioning circumstances that were once taken for granted – and this also applies to the relationship between parent and child. Because even that can be toxic, which can have long-term consequences for the life of the child – well into adulthood.
What is toxic parenting?
Most parents have the best of intentions when it comes to raising their children. Maybe they have their own childhood in the back of their minds and want to have this and all the beautiful sides and memories for their child too – or, conversely, distance themselves from their own childhood, “doing better” than their own parents.
But with toxic parenting, the thought of a loving upbringing may be present—at the same time, your child is being abused on different levels. The parenting style used traumatizes and humiliates the child, leaving scars that can last a lifetime.
Toxic parenting is characterized by a lack of respect for the child as a human being with their own will and needs. In such cases, the parents often lack compassion and empathy – the offspring is an extension of themselves and has to “function”. The child of such parents grows up with constant self-doubt: He doubts himself, his importance in this world, his abilities, that he is worthy of recognition and validation.
Once again to be clear: Parents are people, people make mistakes, don’t always act the way they would like, say or do things that hurt. When talking about toxic parenting, it’s less about critically evaluating individual situations and more about the overall situation. The relationship between parents and child can be described as “toxic” if there are several such signs:
- Enormous control is exercised: Parents determine how their child dresses and behaves, what they can and cannot do, in short, they control every aspect of their child’s life.
- The parents behave disrespectful and borderline towards the child.
- You are unpredictable: One moment they are showering the child with love and affection, the next they have done/said something the parents don’t like and are then being punished with disregard or other negative consequences.
- They always feel/ stage themselves as that Victims of conflicts and situations.
- You have enormous high demands on the childbordering on the desire for perfection, everything is always a competition in their eyes.
- Your emotions and needs always have them top priority.
- Toxic Parents deny the child’s feelings.
What toxic parenting means for the child later in life
When children are exposed to a toxic relationship with their parents throughout childhood, it can have consequences for their mental and physical health well into adulthood. One study found that the greater the risk of mental illness in adulthood, the greater the exposure to trauma of various kinds as a child.
Some possible sources of these traumas: emotional abuse, physical neglect and general abuse. Another study confirmed the results, according to which trauma in childhood increased the risk of mental illness in adulthood by a factor of three.
Possible symptoms that adults who were at the mercy of toxic parents in their childhood may haveare for example:
- A low self-esteem and self-esteem
- The strong need to please everyone around you and put your own needs and desires on the back burner
- A strong tendency not to stand up for yourself and stand up for yourself
- Great tolerance for people who are borderline, abusive, and otherwise disrespectful
- These individuals routinely expect the worst possible outcome—specifically, in relation to the life and behavior of those around them
- They often have a very critical voice in their heads that runs their lives and is regularly disappointed and harsh when things don’t go “perfectly”.
One thing is important to know: Anyone who had toxic parents as a child was helplessly at the mercy of the situation – no matter how bad it is. But the child has grown into an adult who has more control over his own life than he might realize. It can be very difficult to develop a healthy relationship with people who, intentionally or not, have left deep emotional scars. In some particularly serious cases, it may also be necessary to break off contact. It is generally advisable to get professional medical help (e.g. therapists) to work through what you have experienced.
Sources used: healthshots.com, growthtruchange.com, pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov, link.springer.com, abundancenolimits.com, psypost.com