Toxic Positivity: Negative feelings are okay too


Author Anna Maas warns against using “Good Vibes Only” posts and Co. as a role model. Because positive thinking can become toxic.

Always in a good mood and always thinking positively: that’s what many people want. It’s not that simple, if not impossible. However, “Good Vibes Only” posts on social media would set an example for us, criticizes Anna Maas. In her book “The Happiness Lie: When Positive Thinking Becomes Toxic” (Eden) she talks about how positivity can even be dangerous. In an interview with the news agency spot on news, she advocates not taking idealized life images as a role model and allowing yourself to be in a bad mood from time to time.

In your book you say that “Good Vibes Only” postings and the like during the Corona crisis bothered you. They refer to too many positive vibes as “toxic positivity”. Can you explain this term once?

Anna Maas: “Toxic Positivity”, or “Toxic Positivity”, is based on the assumption that a life is only successful if it consists of positive feelings through and through. Positive thinking in itself is a great approach – but if there is no more room for unpleasant feelings and stressful situations and if this positive thinking leads to us belittling feelings in ourselves and others and not taking them seriously, it can be very good be stressful and in the worst case damage our mental health.

In addition, the ideology of positive thinking puts the responsibility on the individual: “You are the smith of your happiness” also means “If you are not happy, if you are annoyed, if you feel that you have been treated unfairly, then it is your own fault. Work simply on your mindset! ” This way of thinking completely hides structural problems and external circumstances.

“Those who are unhappy are to blame”: You explain that such approaches build up pressure. Conversely, shouldn’t one try to be happy?

Maas: On the one hand, I think the statement that everyone is solely responsible for happiness or unhappiness is not correct, but rather nonsense. We are born into a particular society, into a particular family, and into particular privileges and structural difficulties. Then we have experiences that we don’t always choose ourselves. All of this determines how happy or mentally burdened we are.

On the other hand, it is of course nice when you are happy – and totally understandable that you strive for it. But uncomfortable feelings are important to us, we shouldn’t suppress them. Every feeling gives us an indication of our needs and desires. We can only get closer to ourselves – and, incidentally, get out of a low again more quickly – if we recognize that the entire range of emotions is important and part of life. And: Anger, for example, is a driver to initiate change! Without angry women, I would probably need my husband’s signature to open an account today.

Has social media increased the pressure to be happy?

Maas: I think so. Very idealized images of life are shared on Instagram and Co. Since many of us look into the apps very often, we are exposed to these images over and over again. In addition, these are not top models or stars, but “people like you and me”, for whom everything seems to be going perfectly. Of course, this also increases the pressure to want to keep up. We keep forgetting that only a tiny part of a life is shared on Instagram and we have no idea what it really looks like behind it.

How do you manage not to be pulled down by “happy posts” from others or to be jealous? – Or is that okay?

Maas: I think everyone has to assess for themselves how much he or she is putting these images under pressure. I had phases in which I couldn’t handle it very well – I rigorously sorted out and muted all channels where I had the feeling “They can do everything better than me”. In other phases, I find particularly great furnishing, fashion, beauty and parenting channels more of an inspiration, I look at a few things and don’t feel inferior at all.

And yes, of course it’s okay to have phases in which this whole happy peppy glitter world is annoying and you might feel envy. My recommendation: follow channels that are really authentic. Sometimes they put a “happiness post” online, but sometimes also one where you notice that things don’t always run smoothly.

How important is it to address negative emotions with friends and acquaintances?

Maas: I believe that real friendships can only come about if you can talk about all emotions – including the “negative” ones – and rely on the other person even in difficult situations. If you speak openly about what you are going through, the other person often opens up and you realize: I’m not alone in this. That can be very relieving and create a connection!

Do you have an outlet for negative thoughts? How do you deal with situations in which you are unhappy?

Maas: Personally, I always have to talk about it. With my husband or with friends. This exchange helps me a lot. But it is also perfectly legitimate to first figure things out with yourself. Journaling can also help sort out emotions. And yes, there has to be an argument now and then. I just think it’s important: Don’t swallow everything and push it away, but give space to all emotions.

SpotOnNews