Unconditional love
Why true love makes no demands
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Unconditional love is not something that comes to you. Loving your partner for all of their quirks can be hard work. You can find out why the work is worthwhile in this article.
“If you really love me, then …”. Everyone has probably heard this sentence before. Often in a relationship that eventually broke up. Is that a coincidence? Hardly, because most people are constant demands of their partner or your partner No-go.
But why do such sentences keep coming up? A research group of the relationship and family panel pairfam from Germany and Canada has found that for a stable relationship, among other things, the feeling of independence is very important. A partner: someone who torpedoes this independence with conditions sooner or later destroys the relationship.
What does unconditional love mean?
First of all, unconditional love means that Unconditional love. What sounds good on paper can mean hard work in real life. Because unconditionally means to love the partner as he / she is. With all the little quirks and mistakes.
However, unconditional love does not mean to accept everything that the partner / s does or says. And Above all, loving unconditionally is not a one-way street. A lasting relationship can only succeed if both love equally.
Unconditional love has to be learned
Statistically speaking, over 35 percent of all marriages in Germany are divorced. That number has risen sharply over the past 60 years. Came into the In the 1950s, twelve marriages resulted in divorce, it was In 2019 only 2.4 marriages per divorce.
In addition to positive social developments, such as the fact that women are no longer so dependent on men these days, the man also plays Willingness to Relationship a role. It has decreased in the last few decades, but is indispensable for unconditional love. And how do you learn to love unconditionally?
What is a long-term relationship?
As mentioned earlier, unconditional love shouldn’t come from just one person. Only those who are loved unconditionally can love permanently without conditions. According to a study by the German-Canadian research group, five points are important for a long-term relationship:
- Satisfaction: Those who are satisfied with their relationship are happy. And also passes this happiness on to his / her partner: in on.
- The frequency of conflict: If it pops every now and then, that doesn’t matter. On the contrary, an argument can also be purifying for the relationship. It shouldn’t happen too often, however.
- Proximity: You can open yourself to your partner: in and tell everything? Then you have a closeness that cannot be taken for granted. A good basis for a long relationship.
- Independence: Whoever loves unconditionally gives the other freedom. And they are very important. Only those who have the freedom to go can return.
- Commitment: With commitment is meant the already mentioned will of both to want to stay together. Anyone who wants a long-term partnership is also ready to do something about it.
An advantage of a strong agreement: Both partners become more and more similar in the course of the relationship. And thus move even closer together. Our article “What is the most important ingredient for a relationship?“Gives you another point that should not be underestimated for an intact partnership.
How do I love unconditionally?
Can you learn unconditional love? That’s fine. However, you may have to work on yourself. Who for example extremely jealous is likely to be so with an unconditional love have his troubles. The following things are a prerequisite for unconditional love:
- Honesty: Whoever is honest with himself and his / her partner builds trust. And trust is one of the most important basics in a relationship.
- Respect: Whoever respects his / her partner: shows the person that he / she means something to him. This also includes respect for the Independence of the counterpart.
- Cohesion: If you go through thick and thin together, weld that together and strengthen trust. If the other person can rely on you, you will also benefit from it.
- Self-esteem: very important! Only those who love themselves and do not feel inferior in a relationship can love unconditionally. A long-term partnership can only succeed on an equal footing!
- Positive thinking: Believe in the relationship and in you. Then it also works with unconditional love. A positive form of self-fulfilling prophecy.
- Listening: If you listen to each other and have in-depth conversations in which you share your fears and worries, this strengthens your bond. Only those who know the innermost core of the partner can show him / her love without making demands.
- Do not expect anything in return: A point that is already included in the term “unconditional love.” Avoid the notorious if possible If / then sentencesbecause there is always an expectation in them. And that can damage a relationship in the long run.
By the way: In our article “10 underestimated factors for a happy relationship“You get even more tips for your love happiness.
How do I know unconditional love?
You quickly realize that you love and are loved unconditionally. Unconditional love is like pregnancy: either you are or you are not. There is no in between. If you enjoy responding to the needs of your partner and, conversely, feel how your partner is there for you, then you love each other unconditionally.
A relationship and especially a partnership in which one loves unconditionally means Always work. Do you enjoy this work and are you ready for your partner (s): to get involved, to respect him / her and to listen? Congratulations, then you love unconditionally.
Can unconditional love be harmful?
Yes, it can. Namely when it is only one-sided. Then she can go to Leading self-abandonment and becoming toxic. This not only affects your self-esteem, but often also your mental health. You can tell whether unconditional love is harmful to you by the following signs:
- Your partner (s): he takes no account of your feelings, but on the other hand demands consideration for his / her feelings.
- Established limits (yes, they should also exist in an intact relationship) are regularly exceeded by your partner.
- You stand by your partner: in always at your side and are there for him / her, but you cannot expect the same.
- The future together is only going according to his / her plan. No consideration is given to your future plans.
Should you recognize one of these points with your partner: in, have a clarifying conversation. One-sided relationships that do not take place on an equal footing usually end in painful breakups.
Would you like to exchange ideas with other readers? Then take a look at ours BRIGITTE Community past.