Valentine's day
Tips for lasting love
February 14th is Valentine's Day.
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Valentine's Day is coming up. Instead of worrying about gifts, couples should focus on themselves.
Flowers, chocolate, cards: on Valentine's Day, couples give each other little gifts to show each other their love. Others feel pressured on February 14th to have to give something to their sweetheart. So how useful is Valentine's Day? The couple therapists Michael Cöllen and Ulla Holm-Cöllen see potential for the relationship in the holiday of love – provided that couples approach the day correctly. The authors of "Love in spite of lack of time: focal points of a couple culture" and "Love & forgiveness: How couples find each other" advise viewing Valentine's Day as a "wake-up call".
In an interview with the news agency spot on news, Michael Cöllen explains what he means by this: "Couples should take it as an incentive to show their partner love not only on special occasions, but continuously. Affectional affection is nourishment for love and for them Soul. Much more important than grand gestures and gifts is a daily reminder of love. " As an example he gives: "Try to look your partner in the eye consciously for three minutes a day." Couples could start doing it on Valentine's Day.
Valentine's Day becomes the holiday of love
The experts advise giving the partner a personal gift on the holiday of love and actively engaging with the relationship. Michael Cöllen cites a love letter as an example, since it is very important "to bring up the tenderness that is there for one another". He recommends not to write "just a card" to your loved one, but rather a letter. "Don't just write down that you love your partner, write about your feelings. As an example: You are important to me because you have such an open heart, because you are responsible," explains the couple therapist. Because like children, adults also need affection and confirmation. The love letter shouldn't just disappear into a box afterwards. "Read the letter to each other, if possible in front of the children," advises Michael Cöllen.
The author has another tip for Valentine's Day: "As on New Year's Eve, couples could also take good resolutions on Valentine's Day and write them down together. For example, regularly take intensive couple time – so be there with body, mind and soul at the same time – without external distraction, but without sexual purpose. " Many gifts or superficial conversations are not decisive for a functioning relationship. The couple therapist emphasizes: "It is important to have an active dialogue between the partners. This should also go into depth on a regular basis: you should also deal with criticism from your partner and be self-critical."
Ulla Holm-Cöllen recommends that even if partners already have a common household and have children together, they should make time for meetings. "Many couples refuse to meet up. But that is exactly what is important in order to experience quality couple time," she explains. Valentine's Day could be the first occasion to go on a date with your partner – even if it will only be a long walk due to the Corona. Ulla Holm-Cöllen explains what is important on a date with the partner: "In order to get closer and to feel connected, the partners should ask each other profound questions, such as: What is good for you? How do I offend you? What are your dreams, fantasies, wishes? "
Cultivating love – not only on Valentine's Day
"Valentine's Day serves as a confirmation for couples that they belong together," says Ulla Holm-Cöllen. So that couples show their love for one another not only on this holiday, they should show this to each other in everyday life through regular, physical caresses, "without sexual background thoughts", she advises. "Sensual, tender touches not only stay on the skin, they also create a resonance inside, a feeling of 'I am meant'", she knows.
The author also recommends asking yourself the question of the meaning of the partnership over and over again: "Why am I actually with you?" Whoever makes this clear to himself on a regular basis, keep love. "A love relationship is the greatest challenge – also for personal development, because nobody challenges you as much as your partner," she explains. "We show each other not only our positive sides, but also our dark sides. Love is the exchange of body, mind and soul."