Violent relationship: "My ex wanted to kill me – but he couldn't destroy me"

Reader tells
"My ex wanted to kill me – but he couldn't destroy me"

Svenja Beck (35) was able to free herself from her violent relationship

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BRIGITTE.de reader Svenja Beck (35) has experienced extreme violence in the relationship. She was able to break free. Today she helps other women.

In 2012 my life was completely out of joint. I met my ex-partner at a nightclub and quickly found myself in a toxic relationship. It was marked by emotional and narcissistic abuse and great physical violence.

At the beginning he was the most charming, best-looking, loving and warmest person you can imagine. I had wanted a partner like that all my life. I thought I had reached my destination.

After only three months of a relationship, he became violent

But after only three months of relationship, the tide turned. I had bought a pair of shoes that he didn't like. He got extremely aggressive and wanted me to give it back. When I refused, he hit me in the face. It was then that I realized that I had to break up with this person. I couldn't do that because I was already emotionally dependent.

At the time I didn't understand that. It's only since I've dealt intensively with the topic that I know that I was exposed to narcissistic violence.

In narcissistic abuse there is a first phase called "love bombing" – one is showered with love so that one becomes emotionally completely dependent on the other person. This is followed by the devaluation phase: from one moment to the next my ex-partner was a completely different person, full of hatred and resentment. Years of intense violence followed.

There were two attempts at killing. In 2013 he tried to run me over with the car, my then four-year-old daughter was sitting in the back. In 2016 he almost strangled me when my little son was just six weeks old. For this he was sentenced to prison.

The breakup was followed by stalking

In 2017 I finally managed to break up with my tormentor. Unfortunately, that didn't stop the subject. A long ordeal followed. After he was released from prison, he stalked us every day for a year and a half and even flew after us on family vacation. His probation that he wasn't allowed to approach us didn't stop him.

The fears that my children and I had to endure during this time were almost unbearable.

In 2018, with the help of the White Ring, I wrote a letter to the responsible judge and enclosed a stalking diary. Then the daily psychological terror ended.

To this day he leaves us alone – and it is my heartfelt desire to be a ray of hope for other women in the darkest moments of their lives. I want to show them how they can free themselves from violent relationships and that life afterwards is worth living again. That's why I lead a self-help group and get involved in the internet and in politics.

The author: Svenja Beck (35) has three children aged 5, 12 and 15 years. She leads a self-help group in Michelstadt, gives lectures on violence in relationships, leads a Facebook group on the subject and posts videos on YouTube. She is currently working with the Hessian Bundestag to improve the existing legal situation.