That is why we usually have to love twice – before we find the right one
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According to psychologists, most people experience exactly three great loves in their life, each of which has a very specific purpose. How many have you been through so far …?
Find great love in the sandpit or school and spend the rest of your life happily on cloud nine with it. For some it might be a beautiful, romantic idea and for some it might even be the definition of true love – but in reality it is an exception rather than a rule! And with good reason.
Psychologists believe that most people have to love at least twice before they are ready to love the rest of their lives. The first two times, in short, serve to show us what love is not. One could also say negatively: to disillusion us.
The three great loves
1. Idealistic love
The first time we love someone, above all we follow a pattern, namely our (socially influenced) Dream and ideal of love and partnership. We expect passion and harmony, romance and security, adventure and familiarity from a “right” relationship. We have specific demands on ourselves and our partners and do everything we can to meet and maintain these demands.
But secretly we feel it Discrepancy between our dream of the perfect love world and what is possible in reality. That is why we can never give up completely and, for example, attach great importance to the opinion of outsiders. If parents or friends express concerns, it shakes us. When this first special relationship breaks, we deal with the pain of separation right away a double goodbye: From our first great love and from an ideal. Nonetheless, most people find it nice to remember their first love. Because at least for a while we lived our dream with her …
2. The dramatic love
We approach our second great love very differently: We know that nothing in the relationship is perfect from the start – but we are determined to make as much as possible as perfect as possible. Often the second is great love shaped by passion, but also by pain and drama. Depending on which personalities meet in the partnership, those involved either suffer psychologically or tear and rub against each other.
This time we don’t give a damn about advice from outside and only listen to our inner voice – but only to find out that it is not always omniscient … If this relationship breaks, it may be that our heart is broken not just for the second time will, but we own ours To lose faith in love. But exactly then and thereby we are ready for love number three!
3. Mature love
It is typical for the third great love that it is comes when we least expect it – and triggered by someone we would never expect! After we have learned one and two in love and have come to terms with the fact that the Prince Charming neither exists nor can we turn anyone into one, we are mostly no longer so doggedly searching (according to someone in particular). As I said: after the drama of our second attempt, we often no longer really believe in love.
But that is exactly what makes us open to the right person. For the person who shows us that nothing has to be perfect to be right. Which is good for us and only with its kind encourages us to be the person we feel good about and are happiest. This love usually withstands all evils and attacks, with it we survive difficult times and can fully surrender to the good.
Is there no abbreviation?
The fact that one first has to say goodbye to ideals in order to be happy is true in many areas of life – not just for love! But still a question arises: Does it really always have to happen through painful experience? And: Can’t we do anything so that the first great love lasts until the end of life? Well, let’s put it this way: What is certain is that we learn more, more intensively and sustainably from experience and emotional experiences than from wisdom or ingenious thoughts. But as for these three failed attempts in love … Who says that it has to be three different partners?