You live under the same roof, sleep in the same bed, eat together every night and yet you have the feeling that you no longer share anything. Rest assured, you are not alone. How do you reconnect with each other? Advice from our expert.
Twice a month, Soazic Castelnerac, creator of the Save Your Love Date notebooks, author The 5 Keys to Lasting Love (Eyrolles), and Come let’s love each other chez Albin Michel, answers a question from our community about his relationship. This week, Déborah, 41, is interviewing our expert. She has the impression of not sharing anything with her companion with whom she has been for 13 years. The fast pace of life with two young children, very demanding jobs… Déborah feels a real lack but does not know how to go about finding a bond with the one she is certain, she loves. always. Soazic Castelnerac answers him.
The feeling of living side by side
I would like to reassure Deborah. She is far from an exception. There is no reason to panic, if you feel this lack, it should not worry you, but on the contrary encourage you to react. You know, in a day, on the scale of a week, we spend a lot of time away from each other. And when we find ourselves, these few hours, we are often caught up in daily tasks. Yes you spend time together, but you don’t share time. Certain routines can tend to suffocate the couple. Dinner for two without talking, going to bed together without looking at each other, spending the evening on the sidelines but with your nose in your phone.
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How can we act to fill this void that we have allowed to appear?
First, ask yourself what moments do you miss. Name them: is it an activity that you used to do together, discussions, tenderness. Transform this feeling into a concrete element, then take stock. What makes you share fewer things today? How are your weeks, your weekends, your holidays organized? Identify to whom, how, where you give your time. It’s a simple exercise that has the merit of highlighting the fact that you’ve left your relationship aside, that you’ve given it less attention. As I said above, you can live under the same roof as a person and there are no interactions because other things come to capture your attention. Time is no longer shared.
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Create time to share
You will now list what you would like to do together : see a movie, dine out, go jogging, tell you about your day… It’s about recreate a fertile imagination for the couple. Tell yourself concretely what you would like to share. This will make the implementation concrete. Nothing forces you to set up an entire organization. To share time, you don’t need to go to the Bahamas, you just need to have this common desire to reserve time for each other. On the other hand, sharing time as a couple requires an investment from both of you. To share a real moment for two, it is essential that everyone is available. Be in the moment.
I would like to end on the fact that it is essential for a couple that there are couple projects: short, medium and long term which will precisely allow you to project yourself. I grant you, some make you dream more, a move, a trip… But it can also be learning a language, a new habit to put in place at home, a sports routine. Everyone can make their list of projects, you’ll see it really gives a boost. Get to work today, you have all the cards in hand.
All the books of Soazic Castelnerac are available on the site Save your love date
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Candice Satara directs the women’s editorial staff. Its mission: to support journalists in the production of relevant content on sites and social platforms. For 20 years, aufeminin has had the mission…