Weird first dates: the no-date phenomenon

Single life in the big city can be very exciting: Theoretically, people who are more or less willing to couple are waiting on every corner to meet the great love. And thanks to the Internet nowadays even more shy women and men have the chance to find their dream partner more easily. At least that was the naive thought with which I started looking for a partner on the Internet years ago. Today I think: a life as a clichéd single career woman and crazy old cat lady is maybe also quite nice.

Where did all the good men go?

Because the truth is also: There are a lot of people on the Internet who are single for a reason (and I probably can't even exclude myself from it). Because even if you manage to have a pleasant chat with someone for several days and then meet on a first date, the online dream partner can in reality quickly develop into a nightmare. Or at least a strange encounter. I've had so many of them now that I'm fed up with dating in general. I'll reveal my strangest first dates here:

1. The refusal to work

For example, there was candidate number 1: We met for after work for a cocktail on the Alster. The first cliché in online dating, namely the slightly embellished – if not to say cheated – photo was completely fulfilled. He easily weighed 30 kilos more than in the picture and was obviously significantly older. However, he only really went out of his way in the course of the conversation when he proudly told me that he had been cheating on his employer for years and that he was working significantly less than he had to according to the contract. Nobody would notice, because he entered his hours in a document himself and had no colleagues who could tell him about it.

I forced a smile, sipped my cocktail, and imagined my dating partner standing in chains and being condemned to compensation by his employer that drove him into debt for the rest of his life. I'm not that into chains, so I left for my cocktail and never heard from candidate number 1 again after the date.

2. The cocky spark sprayer

Candidate number 2 made a better impression at first glance, because at least he hadn't lied with his photo at least once. I also met him for a cocktail after work, but this time in a dim bar corner. During the conversation it quickly became apparent: Here I was dealing with a really cocky, self-loving rooster who obviously wanted to play games. He talked at length about his outstanding career and hardly let me have a say. And when I was allowed to say something, he would turn almost every word around in my mouth. Basically a total turn off.

Unfortunately, I found the physical closeness of the big puke downright electrifying. That was probably why, despite all the nonsense he was saying, I let him move closer and put an arm around me. At some point his hand went to my back under my sweater and even then I let him have it because his fingers felt so outrageously good on my skin. Which really irritated me, because I immediately thought of the kitschy youth novels that I love to read: The protagonist literally melts every time her (usually callous and mean) love interest even looks at her diagonally. And already she throws all her good intentions to resist him overboard. I've always dismissed that as completely ridiculous, but apparently there is something to the reaction.

Now I have made the rule for myself that I never sleep with anyone on a first date, but in this case I was actually on the verge of overturning said rule. Anyway, the guy was no good for anything more than bed. At the last moment I pulled myself together, allowed myself only a few hot kisses (at least he couldn't talk nonsense) and went home alone. I never saw this candidate again and neither of us bothered to contact the other again. It's probably better that way.

3. The That-Will-Never-What-Type

Whether you like it or not: When you are online dating, you always build up expectations of the other, and you can hardly get rid of it completely. And when you meet in real life, the pretty air castle unfortunately collapses like a house of cards. This is what happened to me with candidate number 3: We had similar interests and expectations of a relationship, had great conversations online, and seemed to have the same sense of humor. When we met for coffee on a very hot August day, he stopped half a meter in front of me and I saw exactly what I thought in his eyes: It doesn't fit at all. And it wasn't because he had obviously cheated on his picture, because on this one he still wore short hair and now he was standing in front of me with a long ponytail that overshadowed my own hair length. It was more like just repelling each other physically.

After a very stiff hug, we sat down for a coffee anyway and chatted about our jobs, which we were both dissatisfied with at the time. I worked as an editor in a large publishing house with no prospects whatsoever, and he in a small media agency where the work just never stopped. So we vomited about it: About the annoying work, the choleric boss and and and. We got so involved in the conversation that we ordered a second coffee, ate a few fried noodles at the Chinese snack bar on the way to the train station and finally treated ourselves to an ice cream. In fact, we weren't talking about anything but work – we downright refused to talk about anything else. Which was okay because we both knew we'd never see each other again. It was like that. I kept this meeting in mind as a date that wasn't actually a date and I think back to it with a smile to this day.

Weird first dates: editors tell

Fortunately, I'm not the only one with such weird date experiences. Here is a best of the weird first dates from our editorial team:

"When I was 18, I had a date with a guy who was so over-romantic that it was too much for me again. Then I texted my best friend and told them how sweet it all was. That Problem: Unfortunately, I sent the SMS to him mentally deranged – not to my best friend. Oops! That's it for more dates too … "

"I once had a date from the absolute we-don't-fit-together hell. We sat in the restaurant for two hours and were silent because we had absolutely nothing in common and just didn't know what to talk about. The weather. Great. The pasta tastes good. Delicious. Nice pictures here on the wall. Well, at the end we hugged and wished each other all the best. That said everything. "

"There are people who judge themselves completely wrong – but without noticing it. I don't need to explain that this is not exactly the best on the first date. The following happened: I actually only knew the man through one App, he was really nice too. However, on the first date he had raved about what a great kisser he was – and how many had already confirmed that to him. Thank you, but that was too much information! And wanted to show He did me too, of course. It then turned out that he was about the worst kisser on earth, oh what, in the whole universe. Obviously all the other candidates lied to him. I then came up with an excuse as soon as possible as to why I had to go home all of a sudden and left the "super kisser" aka "the drooling baby" far behind me. I felt his saliva all over my face. "

"I once had a weird first date in a sushi restaurant. We hadn't written long before and therefore hardly knew each other. We ordered our drinks and the food and suddenly he jumped up and said," Sorry! "And ran to the toilet. I sat alone in the restaurant for about 20 minutes. Of course, at some point the drinks and the sushi plate were already in front of me and I didn't know whether I should start because it just wouldn't come back – I thought. But then snuck he was totally sweaty and said: "I'm so incredibly excited. I had to run cold water on my arms. Feel my heart. "He took my hand and held it to his left chest. Yes, good. My hand was then also wet. I was no longer hungry and somehow the whole situation was a total turn off. I don't know if he was was really excited, maybe it was his first date in his whole life or it was due to acute diarrhea. I still didn't want to meet him anymore, unfortunately the spark didn't jump. "

"I don't know why, but something about me seems to inspire men to sing. Yes, that may sound like a date from a romantic Disney movie, but in reality it is literally a bit weird when the other person suddenly starts shouting, Don't get me wrong, I love car karaoke and crooked warbling – but if you suddenly start singing a song you wrote yourself in the park with a strained look, you only trigger my flight instincts. And that happened to me twice. "

Crazy Catlady ahead!

With so many strange stories, the high number of singles in Germany really doesn't surprise me anymore. But well, as long as the dream partner is a long time coming, I can do other things. Now excuse me, I have to feed my cats.