In the dark season they are omnipresent and they feel bad: Depression is gray (sam). When there is no place in your head for good thoughts and life weighs on you and you ask yourself more and more often how long you have to hold out now, whether things will get better at some point and when the hell is finally over that day. Affected people often do not recognize themselves, relatives feel powerless. Unfortunately, cooking a soup doesn't help, not even Ibu or well-intentioned advice, but being there can heal. But how do you deal with friends, family members, your own children when they are affected?
BARBARA.de: What can you do as a relative if someone in your immediate vicinity is ill with depression or shows symptoms?
Psychotherapist Anna Schmied: When the first symptoms appear, it is extremely important to determine whether you are depressed or just a depressive phase. For this first assessment, there are now a few "self-help tools" that provide orientation and can help to better understand and classify the first feeling of 'something is wrong with me'. With the Moodpath app, for example, users answer questions about well-being three times a day over a period of two weeks. The answers are then statistically evaluated and the user receives an initial assessment. This makes it clear whether professional help from a psychotherapist or psychiatrist is necessary.
If the result indicates a mental illness, it is very important as a relative to convey the feeling of simply being there and having an open ear at all times. Often that can do a lot.
What is the worst thing you can do (both as a victim and as a relative)?
In addition to lack of drive, those affected often remain inactive due to guilt and shame. The risk of developing depression in the course of life is 20%, so it is a widespread disease and there are many treatment options. Even if it is sometimes difficult to understand the illness as a relative, it is not very helpful if you blame yourself or make the person concerned feel ashamed of the symptoms. As a relative, it is important to recognize depression as an illness, to treat the person concerned patiently and to inform yourself about the illness.
What helps more? Care and pity or a friendly "kick in the butt"?
The best way to help is to treat the person concerned with empathy, i.e. to show understanding and to be interested in the difficulties. At the same time, support can be provided by researching treatment options and planning and implementing the next steps together. Often, however, it is difficult for people suffering from depression to motivate themselves to do so. Then patience is required. If the symptoms persist, then an appointment with an outpatient therapist or psychiatrist can be an introduction to professional treatment. In the meantime, there is even the possibility to do online therapy if this can be better integrated into the everyday life of the person concerned.
As a relative, you can also offer to accompany the appointments.
How much responsibility should / should I take on as a relative?
Ultimately, it is difficult for another adult to take responsibility. After all, everyone bears them for themselves. Sometimes there are exceptional states of mental illness, but even then it is important to see to what extent you can get involved as a relative and what better hands to give. Overall, you should only give the support that you see yourself as capable of.
What do I do if I am no longer feeling well? If I can no longer help? Can I go then?
As a member of a mentally ill person, it is always important not to lose sight of yourself and to keep your own limits in mind. It is about protecting yourself from too much stress and thus a risk of becoming ill and getting help and support yourself.
Where can I get advice as a relative?
The Federal Association and the State Associations of Relatives of Mental Illnesses offer information on counseling contacts, diagnoses and treatment options on their websites. In addition, the German Depression Aid provides an information telephone for depression, which provides information about various treatment options and contact points in the care system.
Another possibility is to get information from the local offices of the social psychiatric services of the public health service and ask for support.
During her training as a psychological psychotherapist in the field of behavioral therapy, Anna Schmied focused on the treatment of personality disorders, post-traumatic stress disorders and obsessive-compulsive disorders. Afterwards she worked in the outpatient rehabilitation of psychosomatic illnesses such as depression. Since mid-2019, she has been working for MindDoc, an offer of the Schön-Kliniken, as an online therapist.