BDSM leaves no one indifferent. Today, more and more followers of these sexual practices assume and claim. Just like Antoine, who entrusts us with all his desires.
Far from the “50 Shades of Grey” movies, BDSM has nevertheless become trendy. More and more people are becoming followers of this sexual practice where sex, violence, confidence and brainpower serve the same cause: pleasure. This is what happened to Antoine. From the height of his 25 years, this young man in law doctorate, swaps his serious student clothes for, as soon as night falls, put on his overbearing. If his first experience with this sexual practice took place in the privacy of his teenage room in front of a pornographic site, he has since rolled his bump.
In six years, the young man embarked on BDSM without ever regretting it. “I tasted it“, he tells us. The acronym BDSM stands for “bondage, domination, discipline and submission, and sado-masochism”, or domination-submission. According to Antoine, he sees himself more as a “soft” practitioner of the discipline, even if in this definition, the notion of violence is at the heart of pleasure. He told us how he came to his first time in BDSM and how his way of doing sex has changed.
What’s next after this ad
An ex-girlfriend who introduces him to BDSM
After X movies that showed him some BDSM techniques, Antoine moved up a gear with his ex-girlfriend, Bénédicte. “Sweet missionary sex was honestly not enough for her. She liked sex a little rougher and we talked about it to see what we could do together“. It was then that they decided to embark on the adventure. First with what fell to hand “belt, scarf“, then more and more prepared.
“It’s true that at the beginning, we always have a bit of a respectful side, the fear of hurting or rather of hurting too much and the apprehension of not doing it hard enough too. We do not really know how to do it and we are afraid of falling into pure brutality. Eventually, with time and experience, I quickly understood that I could go stronger and stronger“, assures the young man. Since these first violent sexual emotions, Antoine and Bénédicte are no longer together. This has not prevented the student from making BDSM his sexual language.
What’s next after this ad
“What I like about myself is to tie up, to constrain the other”
Now in a relationship with Lucie, also a BDSM fan, the student fully lives his sexuality. He tells us what he likes to do as a dominant: “What I like about me is to tie up, to constrain the other nobody. Put pressure on him and make him feel that pressure. It can be a pressure on the neck, like a chokehold, in a secure way of course. I like spanking, but not just with my hands, in particular a belt which often does the job very well. Slamming the other’s head against a pillow to constrain it, yes” and confess to us about the handcuffs: “I’m less of a fan, I much prefer ribbons, plus you can make pretty little bows. And the ribbon or scarf allows the other person to struggle“.
However, is it possible that one day Antoine will go from dominant to dominated? Are the roles so easy to reverse? Not in his case, he explains. “If ever they wanted to dominate me, at some point I would have to become dominant again. Because for now, I don’t like to stay too dominated. If I want to regain the ascendancy, it is precisely to play the game of who will dominate the best“.
What’s next after this ad
Tips for practicing BDSM well
According to Anthony, not everyone can practice bondage, submission or domination. He explains to us that some people will be afraid of hurting too much or others of letting themselves be dominated too much. For those who are not afraid of the practice, he wants to give some advice. “It must first to be comprehensivedo not blame your partner for not dominating him enough, for example when you yourself are a dominated person. You have to be patient so that all partners feel comfortable in their new sex roles, be the bottom or be the dominant“.
Second, “it is necessary to realize that a person can have 2 personalities. There is the one in the bed and the one outside the bed. A man can wear a suit and tie all week, it is not at all clear who is the person underneath. Clearly, the habit does not make the monk for others and for oneself too. We must not create unnecessary sexual blockages either”. Finally, his last piece of advice:Thirdly, communication and trust. When one of the two wants it to go a little stronger, trust him. And if we go too hard, the other will know how to stop it“.
What’s next after this ad
The notion of consent in BDSM
It is important to remember that the practice of BDSM leads partners to be more violent physically, but also mentally. The notion of consent is therefore central to the relationship. “BDSM is an erotic art, it calls for creativity (…). It opens the doors to a theater of fantasies. I always consider that it is necessary to exchange with his or her partner, to clearly define what we would like and our limits. Because in BDSM, we will flirt with our limits“, details the sex therapist Alexia Bacouël for Neon.
For his part, Antoine recalls the existence of the “safeword”, i.e. “the security word” in French, which makes it possible to stop at any moment a part of legs in the air too violent. “The idea of consent in this practice has nothing to do with the contract in 50 Shades of Gray for example, but it is a practice which is also governed by the ‘safe words’ and which allows everyone to know the limits on the other and not to exceed them“.
Marion Mancho
As a social journalist, I work on all subjects related to feminism, news items and the fight against discrimination. Equally affected by the crises that follow…