What is “roaching”, a toxic tendency to flee in love?

Also known as the “cockroach technique”, roaching immediately announces the color. This new toxic love trend is flirting with infidelity … We tell you all about this dishonest behavior.

According to one study carried out in 2019 by Ifop, 45% of French people and 37% of French women admit having already cheated on their partner. And it is not the followers of roaching who will affirm the contrary. They seduce you and start a relationship with you, without ever mentioning that they are sleeping with other people nearby. Between lack of sincerity and deceit, the cockroach technique is the best way to taint the beginning of a relationship.

What is roaching?

Roaching is a new manipulation technique that spoils romantic relationships, sometimes even before they start. This term actually comes from “cockroach” which means cockroach. This new love trend refers to people who start a game of seduction or a relationship with someone, hiding the fact that they have other conquests in parallel.

This is the coaching site Askmen which brought roaching to the fore for the first time. This amorous behavior has spread widely with the advent of social networks and dating sites. Very often, roaching occurs at the start of the relationship, when you are still in the seduction phase and the beginnings of your story. This is what makes him all the more devious and difficult to spot. The “roacher” makes you believe that he or she sees only you, while he or she is seeing other people at the same time. Hence the name “cockroach technique”: when you see one, you know that there are lots of others hiding. In this case, you might only have seen that person, but their hurtful behavior was hiding a number of other crushes, dates, flirts, and maybe even relationships from you. Worse yet, he or she can blame you by turning the situation to his or her advantage: “But we never said our relationship was exclusive!” or “You too could go and look elsewhere”.

A trend that reinforces the stigmas on polyamory

People who practice roaching play on the flaws of the new codes of dating and take advantage of the fact that you haven’t had a conversation about the definition of the relationship. But that’s not all. Some “roachers” invoke polyamory to justify their behavior. Remember that polyamory is a way of life that is based on open and honest communication between partners, and not a blanket to be used in case of indelity. For Stef, a polyamorous person interviewed by the Askmen site, the claim of polyamory by these ill-intentioned individuals undermines the hard work of people trying to educate about this way of life, hurts others and further stigmatizes an already misunderstood and often disrespected community. Same observation for Vanessa who confides: “Many men seem to co-opt the language of polyamory to justify their unfaithful behavior as being ‘woke’ and ‘enlightened’. While the importance of learning about polyamory cannot be overstated, it should also be noted that not all roaching people are dishonest and manipulative. It could be a desire not to hurt or a lack of understanding. If you are looking for a serious relationship based on stability, say so on the first dates so as to clear things up and avoid wasting your time. The main thing, again and again, remains communication.

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Video by Clara Poudevigne

Marion Dos Santos Clara

Lifestyle journalist, Marion writes on topics related to psychology, love and sexuality, from a societal perspective. From sexualities to new love codes, she deciphers the …