Communication with your significant other became more difficult almost overnight, and what if you were a victim of swerving? We explain what it is.
In romantic relationships, there are always ups and downs. But sometimes it goes beyond that. If you start to see your loved one’s behavior changing, seeing them become more distant in a short period of time for example, this might sound like an increasingly common phenomenon: swinging. This term, in English, means sheer, deviation, or deviation, which is rather telling. It is actually a sudden change of interest for a person for whom one was initially caring.
Seeking.com dating expert Emma Hathorn explains what swerving is. “It often manifests itself in changes in communication patterns. Initially, the person may have shown great interest, constant attention, and invested time and effort in establishing a connection. However, as the swerving is felt, his behavior becomes inconsistent, distant and less engaged. There is a drastic increase in response time, a drop in enthusiasm, the cancellation of projects without explanation, even the complete abandonment of the other person. The victim may feel disoriented and wonder what went wrong.”
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A toxic phenomenon
Swerving can have very significant consequences on the morale of the person who suffers it. Many questions can arise from this, is it my fault? Did I do something wrong ? The person may begin to doubt himself, and wonder if he has not overestimated the interest of his other half. A great emotional confusion can also appear, leaving the victim on the floor, distraught. This can create a questioning of one’s own value and desirability.
More serious, swerving can become a real injury. The pain that the person can feel, feeling left out, increasingly ignored, can lead to great disappointment. The victim invested time, emotion, energy in a relationship, but was the person really worth it? This aspect can have a lasting impact on the romantic relationships of the person who experiences it. Self-confidence may be impacted, but also the ease of openness for future relationships. It might be more difficult for her to open up to each other after this insidious form of betrayal.
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Plural origins
Several elements can lead to swerving. Emma Hathorn gives several examples. Among them, for example, we can find a lack of compatibility. If at the beginning of the relationship everything was rosy, over time incompatibilities may appear, and the interest in the relationship may diminish for one of the parties. Fear of commitment can also be a cause of swerving. For some people, the further the relationship progresses, the more their fear of attachment can manifest itself, and push them to move away more or less frontally.
Swerving can also be a consequence of emotional unavailability. If your couple got together a little soon after the end of another relationship, for example, this can impact a new relationship. Even in an established couple, emotional unavailability can appear. This is particularly the case due to external factors: demanding work, family, personal difficulties… These issues can take up all the space, and leave little time to invest in a relationship. This can lead the couple to its loss without adequate communication.
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How to react to swerving
If the swerving is often a harbinger of the rupture, the latter can sometimes be avoided. To do this, your best ally, it is communication. Communication is the sinequanone condition for any healthy relationship, whether friendly, family or romantic. Talking openly with your partner can allow you to bring issues to the surface and try to resolve them. If in doubt, start by taking a step back on your relationship on your side, ask yourself the question of the balance of the relationship, and your positioning in relation to it. Do you want to do everything to save her, or are you ready to let your partner go if he is indecisive?
Then engage in conversation with your better half, share your concerns, your needs. Express your feelings about his remoteness, and let him express his point of view, in order to better understand and apprehend it. In some cases, this will allow you to start on a better footing. In others, it may be necessary to consider ending the relationship if it no longer provides the support and emotional fulfillment that both of them deserve.