The dictionary of love trends continues to grow. After apocalypsing or stashing, a new problematic behavior appears: “whelming”. If you're signed up for dating apps, we bet you've had them before.
Dating trends never seem to end. From ghosting to stashing to cuffing, there is a term to cover all relationship behavior. But all of these expressions have one goal: to enlighten us on the fast-paced world of love and flirting. As the pandemic disrupts dating, you may have experienced a particularly annoying flirting technique on dating apps: the whelming.
Whelming, what is this love trend?
Highlighted by journalist Patia Braithwaite, who posted on SELF magazine, whelming is what happens when the person you are with match on a dating app tells you how overwhelmed she is by all the attention and messages she receives on the platform, or in her love life in general. "'Whelming' is what happens when my matches spontaneously complain of being overwhelmed by their other partners instead of, you know, flirting with me ”, writes Braithwaite. A behavior that seems more to be the prerogative of heterosexual men, according to the journalist. The young woman explains that she has encountered this phenomenon more than once and most often on the Bumble application, where women must take the first step to start a conversation. “The responses were a mixture of complaints ('It's just too much') and weird misogynistic ramblings ('' Why do all the girls here like brunches and tacos? ''), she confides. "They basically brag about their attractiveness and make you feel that you should be thankful that they interact with you.", Annabelle Knight, sex and relationship expert for LoveHoney, tells the site Cosmopolitan UK.
Blame it on an oversized ego or dating apps?
What if this phenomenon was actually symptomatic of a real problem with dating apps? For many of us, constantly swiping and the endless potential of thousands of suitors can make us feel overwhelmed. So, have too many dated or from match so that we no longer really know how to choose or make a decision. In an article on ghosting, Cécile Guéret, psychopractor, told us: “ The Internet has radicalized the notion of a selector ego by liberal and market standards. Because the sites and the apps sell us the immediacy of the contacts, the profusion of meetings, the interchangeability of the possible partners … ". And to add: " The risk is that we not only put people in competition with each other, but we fail to stop our choice. "
But whelming is also comparable to another insidious behavior known as negging. Neither a compliment nor an insult, the negging serves two purposes: to momentarily lower a woman's self-esteem and suggest an intriguing disinterest, according to playwright Neil Strauss, who wrote about the tactic in a New York Times article in 2004. For example: “I like the fact that you don't put so much effort into your appearance” or “You are super cultured! I did not expect that ". A very miserable technique, then. This can make the person receiving it feel a little bad about themselves or less important. In short, by practicing whelming or negging, the person is projecting their own insecurities onto us, as these tactics prove a feeling of helplessness and low self-esteem. It is possible to give him a second chance to redeem himself, but if this behavior also translates into “real” life, only one thing to do: flee!
Video: how to react to ghosting?
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