If this were a comic, there would be a thought bubble over our author's head filled with skulls, lightning bolts, exclamation marks and a fat "Grrr". We translated for you.
1. Damn it, the hole between the legs of those old jeans can't be mended a third time. A new one is needed.
2. Okay, close your eyes and go through. I can do it – this time without crying.
3. It looks quite passable. Well, with the cracks I could get one or two sayings from grandma again, but well.
4. What was my size again? "W30 L28", or the other way around? Or "W32 L29". Arrggh !! I'm freaking out. I'll just take both of them with me.
5. Where is the nearest changing room? Fast fast. The super bright light once again highlights all the flaws. Fine! Do you even want to sell anything to your customers?
6. Hey, is the dent new? Is that how I look from behind? My goodness! Pull yourself together, damn it. This locker room is a joke.
7. Right leg, left leg. So far so good. And bump over your knees. Couldn't I just have left the fat pizza at lunchtime?
8. Wow, I can't even get this thing down my thighs. Maybe with a swing. Poop, poop, poop … was that a crack?
9. W30, so? Maybe when I was 12. I just want in my sweatpants.
10. Okay, fold the second. Three two one. Breathe out gently … and up with that bitch.
11. Will the button close? Please dear God. YES! Wasn't that close …
12. Hey, what are those wrinkles on my crotch and why does my butt look so flat. Who should you fill out these jeans? Jennifer Lopez? Kim Kardashian? Oh no!
13. They definitely changed the styles. Do they do that extra? Nowadays you don't have an overview anymore, everything turns out differently. What the heck, at least she's going to.
14. You just have to lower your expectations. Nice style, matching girth on the belly, matching girth on the thighs. You can not have everything. You have to choose my love
15. And what does the fun cost? 150 tacks ?! What the hell! Okay, now I'm really starting to cry.