Caroline Fux, psychologist and sexologist.
I struggle with the fact that my boyfriend (39) is very immature for his age. We can’t communicate well at all. When we argue, he immediately pulls back and pouts. He, however, says I keep moaning. I’ve already told him several times to tell me what was bothering him, but he doesn’t. We’re not getting anywhere this way and I’m so annoyed that I’m considering ending the relationship even though I love my boyfriend. L. (27, w)
In muddled conflicts the idea can easily arise that the other person blocks everything and makes any positive change impossible. People tend to forget that their own peculiarities and perspectives probably contribute exactly the same amount to the blockage.
In a first step, it would therefore be helpful if you break away from the idea that it is up to the nature of your friend that you are stuck. Your friend is who he is. He may see things differently than you and want to master difficult situations differently.
You seem to be someone who likes to be clear about conflicts quickly and brings things to the table immediately. Your friend, on the other hand, evidently withdraws under pressure. This may seem immature or like a denial, but it may just be part of his personal way of coping with difficulties.
Try to get a feel for your quarrel pattern and then soften it up. See what happens when you give your friend space to withdraw, even if he / she bothers and challenges you at the moment. You won’t lose anything if you give him more time. Get advice if you get stuck on your own. Because if love is there, then it is worth giving it this chance before you draw a line.
Knows what moves people: Caroline Fux.
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