What's the best way to give a basket?

Some of the baskets are felt to be an offense, some as a disappointment – but our author has just received one that opened her eyes …

I want to be completely honest: I had a good feeling about Rafi. We met through a dating app. In contrast to all my other experiences that I have had with this app and which actually tend to tend towards zero my desire for online dating, I found the exchange with him to be very pleasant, relaxed, interesting and somehow familiar.

Rafi wasn't annoying

An example: He didn't always answer immediately as soon as I wrote to him, but apologized nicely if he didn't let me hear anything for two days. I think the getting to know you is exactly right! For me there is Hardly anything more stressful and unsympathetic than constant availability. In addition, I don't expect prompt feedback from a (still) non-binding acquaintance – after all, I don't expect it from me either. On the other hand, his apology shows respect, courtesy and reliability. Precision landing, Rafi!

Rafi was empathetic

In terms of content, our exchange was so good that I was downright amazed: He was unusually sensitive to me and always shared something about himself. I had never experienced anything like this before with someone I only knew from the net. It was as if we were passing the balls precisely to each other and approaching each other a little more with each rally – my previous teammates tended to throw the balls in my face or not throw them back at all, if you understand …

Rafi was a solid first date

In any case, after a while it was absolutely clear: I want to meet the man! So we agreed to meet for coffee and what should I say? The afternoon with him confirmed my feeling: Great guy, more could come of it. We had a great chat and it turned out that we have similar attitudes in many things. It was really harmonious and, for a first meeting, comparatively open, familiar and intense. Admittedly, the sparks weren't sparkling now, but a coffee-stroll date isn't the ideal setting either.

Rafi didn't keep me waiting long …

After the appointment with Rafi, I was on the trip: We can continue to pursue it, but nothing stands in the way of a second appointment for my part. But the morning after we met, he sent me a message letting me know that he thought it was very nice, but in no way wanted to give me false hopes – he was only interested in a friendship!

When I read that, I was surprised – but, in a funny way, also incredibly relieved! I still had no feelings or butterflies in my stomach, so my Disappointment within limits. Or maybe it just got from gratitude overshadowed: for the fact that Rafi saved me with such a clear, early announcement from having those "false hopes" and thoughts or from getting into something that is nothing.

Thanks to Rafi, I understood something

I have to give it to him – first and foremost, Rafi gave me an important insight with his wonderful basket: We should be more honest with each other! So often, false friendliness, fear of offending someone, and excessive caution lead to wishy-vash statements that no one can relate to. Or worse: phenomena like ghosting, benching and breadcrumbing.

But something like this usually hurts the person concerned much more than any clear basket, even if feelings are involved. After all, we can react to facts and clear statements, come to terms with them and come to terms with them. If, on the other hand, we are held up and left in the dark, the carousel of thought turns on and on, we ask ourselves what is, what could be and whether the other is thinking of us too …

So I can conclude and say with full conviction: Even if it was a short relationship between Rafi and me (because I have enough friends), she has me enriched and sustainably shaped. If somebody answers me too quickly in the future or slaps the ball in the face, I won't just pull myself out of the affair with a nice smile, but tell him clearly that it doesn't work that way – and now I don't talk anymore just from dating …

Video tip: 5 faux pas that you should leave out on your first date …