Beautiful memories
How gratitude helped me grieve for my grandfather
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Nothing can really prepare us for having to say goodbye to a loved one. It doesn’t matter whether the death is sudden or has been announced a long time in advance. Often people don’t know how to deal with grief. This tactic helped our author come to terms with her grief.
When I was little, my paternal grandfather died. He had played a big role in my life up until the time of his illness. Together with my grandma, he was always there for me and my sister, they looked after us when my mother started working again, grandma cooked our favorite meal, grandpa helped make the perfect paper airplane and told all kinds of stories about the practical jokes, that he had done as a boy – lots of funny stories and jokes that he always had ready. With the many positive memories of him, I slowly managed to turn sadness into nostalgia. Because a life that lies in the past doesn’t just have to be sad. It can also be nice to learn to appreciate the past.
The power of positive memories
A loved one leaves their mark. In our personality, our soul, our interactions with others. Becoming aware of these effects and being grateful for them helped me, sometimes years after his death. My grandfather managed to find the light, or at least humor, in the darkest times. He was loving. He bred budgies. He smoked a pipe. And as a former pastry chef, he also infected me with a passion for cakes and tarts – to this day, Frankfurter Kranz is, in my opinion, our highly valued family cake, although I make it less often these days. She always reminds me of him. They may be small moments. But I think that his loving nature and his joy in telling stories influenced me back then. His calm manner and his humor. And I’m just glad that I was able to experience all this time with him.
The fact that I was so young certainly helped in many ways back then. There were also moments when I cried or couldn’t really understand that a person was now missing from my life. Where I was angry because death seemed so unfair. In this initial period of grief, we often cannot fully grasp the positive memories because we are guided by our emotions and the pain. At the beginning we may need time to grieve, cry or be angry. All of that is part of it. But it’s important that we don’t stay in these phases forever.
From sadness to gratitude
Today, remembering my grandfather not only helps me, but also my grandmother. When I visit her, we like to talk about the good old days. It never gets old hearing how they met while dancing when my grandma sneaked into the party around the corner with her brothers. For me and her, these memories are a gift that we carry in our hearts. Just like the moments when he played with his grandchildren. They connect us and help us feel gratitude for these moments. They helped us deal with the loss back then and ensure that we can be hopeful again today. And in my case, I often try to look into the future with the curious and joyful perspective of the person we miss so much.
Sources used: forbes.com, opentohope.com, funeralbasics.org