Which conflicts cannot be solved?

Happy couples see themselves as a team. They pull together, share common goals and find a solution for every challenge and every (relationship) problem. Conflicts aka opposing interests? Of course there will be some in a healthy partnership. But then you just explain each other's own perception, describe the feelings that this perception causes in you, and – whoops! – the conflict is over and everyone is satisfied.

Or?

Nope! Said therapist Eric Hegmann: "Two thirds of all couple problems cannot be solved by a conflict that can satisfy both partners equally."Phew, two thirds? Sounds a lot! But don't worry, Hegmann says, because:" Conflicts are normal. Even if two people love each other very much, it would be complete unrealistic to hope that the partners always have the same needs at the same time. The awareness that at first all needs have equal rights spares many couples tough arguments about it. "

With different emotional needs, someone always loses out

But what are such conflicts for which no compromise can be found that satisfies both partners equally? A classic from his therapy sessions: evening entertainment in stressful everyday life or, as Hegmann calls it: "Emotional connection at the end of a working day."

According to the therapist, the following conflict concerns many couples in this situation: "One partner wishes to recharge his batteries through contact with the partner, through exchange and discussion with him. The other partner charges his batteries by collecting them in peace without any interaction in order to be able to find energy for exchange again. " Middle way? Nothing! One of the partners will always lose out.

Generally, insoluble conflicts would lie two against each otheropposite emotional needs the partner is / would be needed to satisfy. One wants to talk, the other wants to rest. Some want to cuddle after sex, others want to. One loves flower sex, the other would like to try new sex positions or likes the quickie in between. One would like to visit parents and family at the weekend, the other wants action or togetherness. We could go on forever – no wonder Hegmann speaks of two thirds …

The only question is: How can partners be happy with each other if only 67 percent of all conflicts are satisfied? One is crucial deep bond, mutual respect and that the partners treat each other happiness. According to Hegmann, couples would then find creative ways of dealing with conflicts and reconciling themselves – even without resolving them and getting rid of them.

Whether emotional, relevant, in a partnership or in a job: You can find out here how you can solve solvable conflicts.

Do you want to learn more from Eric Hegmann? You can find a lot of information and coaching offers on his website.

Or maybe you feel like sharing with others about solvable and unsolvable conflicts of any kind? Then you are in good hands in our community.