It's not always easy to understand each other in love. To teach us to communicate better in our relationship and to strengthen it, the theory of the 5 languages of love can be a precious ally.
"There is no love, there is only proof of love," wrote Pierre Riverdy. According to the popular theory developed by journalist Gary Chapman, there are exactly five ways of loving – each describing a different way of giving and receiving love. In 1992, the writer details them in his bestseller The 5 languages of love, translated into French in 2018 and published by Leduc editions. Learning to speak the emotional language of those close to you would be the key to a healthy relationship and the secret of lasting couples. But how do you know what your love language is? And what does he say about your relationship?
1. Words of appreciation
If your language of love is this, you are very sensitive to compliments, encouragement, and kind words. You really like to hear your partner say "I love you". These three words are particularly meaningful, special and reassuring to hear. It could be a compliment on a quality or skill, a love letter, a fiery text, or a post-it note stuck on the fridge. Don't hesitate to let your partner know. If you find that he or she is not practicing it enough, it may simply be because his or her emotional language is different!
2. Quality moments
You like to share moments of exchange and full attention with others. Active listening, eye contact and full presence are priority characteristics of the relationship for you. If this is your language and not your partner's, suggest activities and explain why it is important to you. Let her know that you like having her undivided attention, free from distractions like the TV or the phone.
3. Gifts
Gifts are a fairly straightforward love language: you feel loved when people give you "visual symbols of love," as Chapman puts it. And no, you are not superficial if you like your partner to give you a gift. It is not about the monetary value, but about the symbolic thought behind the object. People with this language appreciate the process: the careful thought, the deliberate choice of the object to represent the relationship, and the emotional benefits of receiving the gift. Giving gifts could be picking a flower, writing a cute note or even having a picture of the two of you framed.
4. Services rendered
If your love language is an act of service, you appreciate that your partner is doing everything possible to make your life easier. It could be bringing you a bowl of soup in bed when you're sick, making your morning coffee, or going to the dry cleaner when you've had a busy day at work. This type of language means that you prefer actions over words in your relationships. When you are stressed or tired, you like your partner to take care of you. Except that he or she does not necessarily speak the same language and cannot guess everything! Explain to her how important it is to you.
5. Physical contact
You may be one of those people who need physical contact in their relationships, and who appreciate the feeling of warmth and comfort it provides. We don't necessarily talk about sex (even if that does come into play). We talk about kisses, hugs, massages … This physical intimacy can serve as a powerful emotional bond between partners and affirm their relationship. Does this language suit you? Enjoy all the special moments for two: the morning kiss before leaving for work, the villainous nap on Sunday afternoon, cuddling on the sofa.
For further :
At the heart of the 5 languages of love: The secret of lasting couples, Gary Chapman (ed. Leduc), € 7