why are women leaving?

“Between us, I don’t think it ever was. I held for the children, then one day, I broke down. I was approaching 40, I told myself that if I didn’t do it now, I never would. That it was not at 50 that I was going to be able to rebuild my life. So, I took the lead for the divorce. He did not want. He was aware that we weren’t getting along, but that was obviously fine with him. »recalls Laura.

This situation could have dragged on if she had not decided to act: “He said this sentence to me that I will never forget: “I make concessions”. I understood “my children are fine, my job too, it’s not working with you, but too bad, everything is fine”. Of course, I didn’t agree at all. We divorced, he made me bear the burden of this decision, the guilt vis-à-vis the children, the family, his own since mine has always supported me. 10 years later, I have no regrets.

Women hate routine

For the vast majority of women, routine is a real love killer. They want sparks, butterflies in the belly, renewal. Men, on the other hand, appreciate the comfort of an ordinary relationship, with their bearings and their ties. Pascal Anger, psychologist specializing in family mediation, confirms this: ” women are braver than men! Men are more fit and adaptable, while women are more decision-makers. They know what they want and what they don’t want. The men are rather plan plan. If things are not going well in their couple, they will be able to arrange things on the side, but they are happy to have their comfort, the purr, whereas women hate that “.

They are financially independent

Another reason that pushes women to leave the ship: they work more than before and are financially independent. They are therefore not afraid of finding themselves alone and of seeing their standard of living decrease by taking the decision to separate. And all the more so because they have a solid circle of family and friends to rely on. “I make a better living than my ex-husband. And even if I had had financial difficulties, that would not have influenced my decision to leave him. I was no longer happy, what’s the point of pretending? »says Clémentine, 42 years old.

Men turn a deaf ear

Generally, men and women still find it difficult to understand each other’s needs. Many say they didn’t see it coming. And when they are finally willing to put in the effort, it is already too late. “Often the woman said and repeated things to the man who did not hear them. This is what will mean that at some point there will be an overflow and she will decide to leave. When I ask men, “didn’t you hear your wife? », they retort « yes, but I thought that… ». They did not listen to their wife when she demanded it. When they have decided to change, it’s too late because the woman has already left for somewhere else, and it’s very hard to go back once you’ve made a decision.comments the specialist.

Read also: After a divorce, women would be happier than men

Men never leave “for nothing”

If men take the step of separation, it is because they already have an idea in mind, another life awaiting them. “ It’s rare that a man leaves alone for nothing. He is going to leave for someone else or for a project, while a woman can say at some point “this life as a couple is unbearable for me, I’m leaving”. This is a reality that I verify in family mediation. When I ask my patients about who filed for divorce or separation, in 90% of cases it is the woman. Sometimes for subjects that may seem trivial in the eyes of men, but which are not in the eyes of their companions », specifies our interlocutor. Should we blame the behavior of men for all that? Because if it takes two to build a story, it also takes two to destroy it.

Julie Giorgetta

Journalist specializing in health and well-being (health, nutrition, pregnancy/baby, psycho and sex themes), Julie Giorgetta is a graduate of La Sorbonne and the Ecole Supérieure de Journalisme de Paris. In …