I become irrelevant when I'm angry. Unfortunately. That's why I can't be completely rational and reserved when my husband behaves stupidly. Basically, I think that an argument can purify the air and is really healthy. Eating anger and anger in yourself simply cannot be the solution. If everyone has said everything that bothers him, the fronts are cleared, then you can finally start again from the beginning. My children should know that too. That won't hurt them in life.
Sometimes I get loud or bang doors
However, as I said, sometimes I am slightly irrelevant. Then I get bitchy, my tone sharp or offensive, sometimes I scream and bang doors. I don't really like that myself. Of course you could now tell me to pull myself together, but sometimes that just doesn't work. When the children are sick, the man is barely there, the work is stacked on the desk and the dishwasher is also broken. Most mothers will know what I mean …
So I recently spoke to a colleague about this topic and she said: "We keep arguing at home, then we get along again. Children have to learn to deal with conflicts". She looked pretty happy. At that moment I liked her even more than I already like her. What a wonderful view of things! "You just have to be fair, I can't always do that," she added with a laugh.
I knew exactly what she meant. I was definitely interested in the topic, so I did some research. Both in my circle of friends and on the Internet, everyone agreed: arguing is completely okay – if no swear words come up and you can get along later. Ideally in the presence of the children. Also, don't pull them in, or pretend everything is okay if it isn't. Even one-year-olds notice that.
Quarreling does not mean divorce
In fact, children have to learn that not everything in life is always just peace, joy, pancakes. That there are conflicts everywhere that need to be resolved. And that a little bit of Zoff doesn't mean that you never talk to each other again or get a divorce. It's an important lesson too, isn't it ?! You can get them very well taught by me. Apart from that, my daughters don't pay much attention to me if they knock properly. Just as a side note.
I think that if you love someone, you love them, even though you sometimes find them stupid. Affection does not mean that you always have to find everything in the other super, but that you like him even though he has weaknesses. After all, I want to be liked, although I'm not perfect in the beginning and sometimes complain or scream.
Then I'm arguing quieter now
In any case, I already felt rehabilitated after talking to my colleague. Instead of resolving never to argue with my husband in front of my children again, I simply decide to argue more fairly, argue more quietly – and, above all, always reconcile myself. That sounds doable to me. After all, I'm only human. And a little annoyance that is coped with every now and then is also great for the kids.