Every evening it’s the same thing: you can’t wait to find out what your child did today at school. However, he does not want to tell anything. Do not panic, this silence is not serious, we explain to you.
“My little boy is a sociable child, jovial and good in his sneakers. I know he’s doing a lot of interesting things at school thanks to the other moms. But he doesn’t want to tell me anything. And it’s been like that since the small section – he’s now in the big section -, I can’t get the slightest bit of information out of him. He stays evasive or says he doesn’t remember. I don’t understand this silence.
Evening after evening, it’s the same ritual, Marie, like many parents, wonders why her toddler remains silent on his school day while some comrades hasten to tell their school activities as soon as they leave the establishment. . “I’m a little frustrated, adds the mom, but I tell myself that if there was something wrong I would realize it.” To better understand what is going on in the heads of our little ones, Léa Ifergan-Rey, a psychologist in Paris, answers.
Maturity to develop in children
As Marie says, it can seem a bit frustrating when you’re a parent. However, rest assured, if your child does not show any other symptoms, there is nothing to worry about, everything is completely normal. In effect, young children do not have the same temporality as us, the adults. Generally, they live in the present. As they grow up, they will acquire the maturity necessary to imagine the sequences and the succession of events during one and the same day, but for the moment they are still too small.
This is why asking them what activities they did in the morning or what they ate this afternoon will be complicated for them. Young children communicate more readily through their emotions and feelings than through facts. According to a study carried out by Inserm: mastery of time is generally acquired between the ages of 6 and 8. It is precisely to promote awareness of the course of the day that teachers set up rituals (morning welcome, workshops, recreation, lunchtime canteen, etc.).
Respect your secret garden
If your child refuses to tell you what he is doing at school while you are at work, don’t worry,
this is a common attitude among the youngest. Over the months spent at school, he gradually realizes that his existence belongs to him and learns to appropriate his story. The school then becomes part of his life and not yours. This is the beginning of autonomy and this is how he will gradually build his identity.
Moreover, around the age of 5, many children start lying not very finely. They actually start to realize that their parents don’t actually know what’s going on in their head and so play with the information. It is at this moment that the child will acquire a sense of psychic intimacy. In order to protect himself from outside intrusions, it is essential for him to create a “secret garden”. This invisible barrier gives him the feeling that he is evolving in a secure environment.
The right reflexes to apply
– Do not dramatize the situation
Children are all different! There are toddlers who are more talkative than others, and this, within the same siblings. It is important not to dramatize if one of your children does not want to spread out over the course of their day. Indeed, if you insist, your child will feel that he has a lever of action, that the fact of not telling his day exasperates you or worries you, he can play it later.
– Avoid being intrusive
Without even realizing it, some parents can be intrusive or ask too many questions of their children. This attitude can make your little one feel insecure, even antagonize him and crystallize certain conflicts. Parents may also tend to tell the child how he should feel. However, a child needs to feel that he is in control of what he is experiencing and that he can develop his own thoughts and secrets.
– Questioning your own speech
Be careful, the way you are going to suggest to your child to tell his story can have a strong influence on his desire to speak or to be silent. Also, if you tend to interrupt him, finish his sentences, or even pass judgment, he may have the impression that you are not listening to him and above all, do not understand him. You have to let him tell what he has to say.
– Tell him about your day too!
Ask yourself this simple question: what about me, do I talk to him? Of course it’s not a question of going into every detail of your last meeting, but rather of telling him.
an anecdote or an emotion that you felt during this time when you were separated. For your part, If your child has trouble talking about what he does, ask him instead to tell something he liked doing today and something he didn’t like. Patience, growing up, he will surely be more talkative, then in adolescence will become secretive.
Journalist
Since May 2021, Pauline has joined the Aufeminin team. A journalism student, Pauline is currently on a work-study program and writes for the Aufeminin and Parole de Mamans websites. Curious and passionate, she…