Why hugs don’t relieve stress in men

Hugs don’t help men
Nobody needs another generation of emotional wrecks with penises

Hugs between men: at most as a greeting.

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Hugs are stress-relieving — at least for women, a recent study found. Guys, give each other a hug.

In the specialist journal “PLOS ONE” a study published, after which even a short hug can help to relax in stressful situations. At least it can help women. Men, also known as the “strong” and apparently emotionally underdeveloped sex, were completely unaffected by the loving embrace. A researcher involved expressed the assumption that the different socialization of the two sexes could be a possible reason for the (lack of) reaction. Jeez, can we please think about these results for a moment?

“The Man” is an emotional wreck

As someone who sees gender more as something instilled, because a fixed checklist of personality traits that no one can evade, I am always something in studies with the result “the man is like this, the woman is like this”. skeptical. This is also the case in this case, after all the study with 38 loving couples examined is anything but representative on several levels. And yet the result triggers me enormously as a man – because I’m not surprised.

Because what is “the man”? I recently had a very interesting interview with Julian Witzel, who even dedicated a whole book to this question and the young white man. And I agree with his thoughts: Hardly any man is really clear about it. What seems to define him for many people results from the demarcation from the “other”, in the binary gender system this is then “the woman”. Where she is soft he is hard, where she is weak he is strong, where she is emotional he is – a wreck. And if I look out of my fairly young and “woken” bubble for a moment, I recognize again and again with horror that this picture is not a dusty relic from the past, but is still lived – and passed on – to others.

The other day, my lover told me how he:she witnessed the following situation: A boy told his father about a thrilling experience of the day. The father, quite the “strong man”, only asked: “And did you cry? You must have been crying, right?” The boy, irritated, replied, “Yes, wouldn’t you have cried if that had happened to you?” to which the father retorted, like a shot from the gun, “No. Men don’t cry. An Indian knows no pain.” Which is really an answer that is wrong on so many levels (sexism, racism, toxic masculinity to name a few) that it makes me sick. Guys, it’s 2022, are you serious? Are we all serious?

I hug, you hug, we should hug

While people of all genders (hopefully) embrace often and deeply during childhood, the culture of hugging seems to be dying out in later years among people who have a penis dangling between their legs. It starts with the greeting: There’s a check with the fist, a handshake that is as loud as possible (if in doubt, it is repeated), for some a friendly handshake or just a nod is enough. hugs? No thanks. Now, I’m not necessarily a cuddly bear myself. But I hug my friends as a greeting, no matter what gender they are. And they hug me back, regardless of their gender.

Please guys, please especially you men: hug each other when you are not feeling well! It’s such a simple gesture. If I have a male friend in front of me who is in a stressful situation, I don’t use a sexist, racist and toxic male slur – I’ll hug him if that’s what he wants. How can such a simple human gesture be so completely untrained by a group of people that they don’t feel anything anymore? For my part, I don’t want another generation of emotional wrecks with penises. So it’s up to all of us to establish a loving and yet important gesture like the hug for men as well.

Children should be able to grow up with this as a matter of course, especially boys, but also the older generations should see: A hug is something wonderful, not a sign of “weakness”, not a “woman thing”, but a human thing that is good for every single human being in this world . In this sense: Feel hugged.

Sources used: pektrum.de, journals.plos.org

barbara

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