You thought the safe word was only for BDSM relationships, it isn’t. Other sexual practices may include a safe word, including when practicing “vanilla sex” to ensure the individuals’ constant consent to have sex.
The safe word is a word spoken during intercourse to indicate to the other (or others) that you want to end the relationship. When practicing BDSM or role-playing, say “no” or “stop!” does not necessarily have the same meaning as when practicing “vanilla sex”. This therefore means that we have to establish words that allow our partner to understand whether they are breaking our limits or not. That being said, the safe word can be useful in more “traditional” sex in the sense that it is not always easy to manage to say “no” directly to the other. An educational issue around “no is no” is also part of feminist struggles in matters of sexuality. Still, discussing a clear common word with your partner can facilitate communication between you.
In an article Cosmopolitan, journalist Emily Morse, who runs the podcast Sex With Emily, advises people to find a safe word that relates to a memory shared by the partners: “Keep the safe word simple, so that you both can remember it. It could even be a word that is unique to your relationship, that has meaning and that evokes intimate memories.” she explains. However, for it to be effective, it must not have a sexual connotation.
The possibility of opting for a safety gesture
If you cannot speak because you are mute, deaf, hard of hearing and / or want to test sex while being gagged, it is quite possible to chat with your partner about ” a gesture of safety: you can snap your fingers, wave your hands, tap on the surface closest to you or else wave a scarf left available near you in case you are no longer comfortable in the report . Once again, this makes it possible to test new practices while ensuring a simple way out in case of inconvenience or the desire to stop the festivities.
“Red”, “Orange” and “Green” are widely used safe words
In BDSM circles, but also within groups of people who practice sex with others, the colors of the traffic lights are often reappropriated. Green allows you to continue, orange indicates an area of discomfort that remains acceptable and red indicates that you must stop. Fruits and vegetables, too, are widely used, especially for their neutral and familiar character.
In fact, everyday words can do the trick as long as you discuss them with each other and your safe word is easy to remember. Once you’ve chosen the word (Jerusalem artichoke, omelet, daisy, etc.), don’t hesitate to use it if you feel the need. The purpose of the safe word is to give you confidence during sex and to remove all the pressure and guilt you may feel when you are no longer willing to continue the sexual act in question but fear the reaction. of your partner.