With a teen in lockdown
A painfully honest letter to my girl
© Marie Stadler
Our author trains three children in homeschooling and also takes care of the household and the baby. No, that doesn't always go well. Especially with the oldest, she notices clearly: Lockdown is not a species-appropriate attitude for children.
by Marie Stadler
"Oh yes, and you know better again, don't you?" Your voice rolls over, tears of anger well up from your sparkling eyes, you slam three doors on your way into the room and turn the volume control to the stop. Once again the songs echo through the house with all the misogynist profanity that I had forbidden you to do. I hope that the seven-year-old and nine-year-old at least don't all understand the words, because right now I can't do anything against you, I've learned so much since March. With my eyes closed, I hug the baby and wordlessly apologize for this next unnecessary argument it had to witness. Because you hate the world right now. And because I just didn't have the nerve to respond in a pedagogically valuable and understanding manner.
Shipwreck with Tiger
Do you remember the movie "Life of Pi" in which a young man survived a shipwreck with a tiger? The two sneak around each day in their two lifeboats, knowing full well that an attack could end badly for both of them. They are hungry, drained, stressed and both have the potential to destroy each other. The story is so fascinating because there is definitely a kind of familiarity and love in the midst of all this threat and the two end up helping each other to survive despite everything … Lately I noticed how well "Life of Pi" works with the lockdown describes to you: How much I would miss our deep conversations, the familiar inside jokes, your valuable help and your laughter if you weren't here … but at the same time I know: You are hungry for the life out there, you are drained, stressed and have the potential to destroy my few leftover nerves.
Not appropriate keeping
I know this shouldn't be your life. You shouldn't have to turn to me if you don't understand math. You shouldn't have to fight for an eraser with your seven-year-old brother, but better with some super cute guy with a hideous teenage hairdresser, who will write you in the evening that he thought your squeak was kind of cute and wants to meet you after school. You should be secretly dipping your first little coward and puffing a cigarette for me. A! We should fight, because that's part of it, but then we should be allowed to have a break from each other again so that we can be happy with each other again or at least move fresh and strong into the next fight. That's the way it should be. That's how I was young. And it breaks my heart that I have to forbid you and cannot offer it. It's about bigger things than us.
Wrong world
You will be going back to school in a few weeks. With a mask and distance to everyone you miss. It's like putting half a plate of salad in front of a starving person without dressing … But the worst thing about it is that we as a family, and especially grandma and grandpa, depend on you being satisfied with this half plate of salad anyway. That you don't secretly hang out with some guy, that you don't fall around the neck of your friends at the bus stop and that you remind your classmates totally uncool to keep them one and a half meters away from you. We can't control it, it's just up to you and I think that's the biggest crux in all of this. WE should protect YOU! Not you us. WE should have to be the voice of reason that you lack a little at 15. And you? You should be able to test limits and keep us, your parents, at a distance on some issues, but definitely not your friends. You should slowly discover the great freedom instead of sitting alone in your room.
I am sorry
Yes, you often get really annoyed with me at the moment. But it is important to me that you know: I understand you. I understand you better than you think. We're all still of all ages and I remember how important yours was to me. But let's try to make the most of what we have and please don't lose our nerve (yes, that's a note to me too!). We have the potential to be devastating. But we can do it like Pi and the Tiger: Despite all the misery, they did not exhaust this potential and ultimately helped each other to survive the crap. I know we two can do it somehow, especially since we are definitely better off than Pi and Tiger. After all, we have a full fridge, Netflix, the same humor, and a hell of a lot of doors to slam if you hate life. I know it will get better! I promise you!
This article originally appeared on Eltern.de.