Our author is in the mood for sex, but not in the mood for condom refusers. And there are many of them. An insane.
My first friend said our first time, "Sex with a condom is like washing your feet in socks." We only knew each other a few weeks, I was 20, he was seven years older, I was inexperienced, his loot account was clearly in the black. I wanted to please him, not fool myself like that. So I did it without, I took the pill back then. That I didn't get anything – lucky.
"Without is much better"
Twelve years later, I'm smarter. But not the men. Regardless of whether the guy is in his late 20s or early 40s, whether a one-night stand or a serious relationship, it is foreseeable: A condom kills lust and causes crises. When it jumps out of its plastic shell like a ghost and boos, most men get weak … knees.
Surely I have no idea what it is like to squeeze your favorite delicate part of the body into a tight latex cover. Still, I'm tired and annoyed by the constant "without is much better" and "I have nothing" discussions. Who knows that exactly? Aren't they afraid of infecting themselves and others with gonorrhea, syphilis and chlamydia, venereal diseases that are guaranteed to feel as nasty as they sound? Or to pass on HPV viruses that can cause cervical cancer in us?
Oh yes, there’s still this thing called HIV. For many it is 80s. But even if there are drugs today that keep the virus in check, I'm not keen on it. Most men don't seem to care. Just like a possible pregnancy. Not their problem. The hot guy I met on vacation in France saw it that way. Back at his Airbnb, we cautiously crept past his sister and father who were sleeping peacefully. He's really washed off the beaten track, I thought. When I pointed out safer sex to him at the crucial moment, he said petulantly: "I don't bring condoms with me on family vacation." No, but strange women to fuck with in the family apartment. He was so offended that he turned away and didn't even take me to the door the next morning.
Contraception remains a woman's business
Another "charmer" who quickly turned out to be an enemy in bed was an opera singer who also made a huge drama between the sheets. During the whole act he pleaded tirelessly to be able to pull off the condom (which I had conjured out of my pocket) only "very briefly". "What if I have something?" I asked. "You do not look like that." "I could get pregnant." "Trust me, I have every single drop under control." I felt sorry for myself. What kind of idiot had I pulled myself ashore? I was about to leave, but I fucking wanted to have sex now that I was already naked in someone else's bed on the other side of town.
Of course, it's not always the finest characters that you pull out of digital surprise bags for one night. It's just not better in relationships. Last summer, boyfriend. Here, too, it quickly became clear that he couldn't and wouldn't with a condom. Disillusionment. We took an HIV test, but contraception remained too risky because I stopped taking the pill. "Let the IUD insert you," he demanded. "No chance," I said. Once on my cycle app all the signs were "ovulating". For me that meant: no condom, no sex. He responded angrily, "I thought we'd have sex all weekend." Think! I walked. Forever.
It is so sad. 2020 – and contraception remains a woman's business. So that men can be free downstairs, we bear the risks – viruses, bacteria, babies. Condom refusers are disrespectful and irresponsible. So just don't let it chat. For me, if I drop the covers, he has to pull one up.