Yoann and her husband became the happy parents of twins, Kiara and Louis, after a surrogacy course. Author of the children’s album “My papas, the princess and the fairy”, which explains the process of surrogacy with gentleness and pedagogy, Yoann gives us a message of hope and tolerance.
“With my husband, we have been together for six years and very early on we were linked by a common desire for parenthood. Our surrogacy journey has gone very well, even if it has been a long road. We went through a Californian agency to support us in this process. The first steps started in 2017 and our children were born in 2019.
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One of the most complex steps was to find the right interlocutors, because there are a multitude of agencies around the world which offer their services. Our choice fell on the United States, which seemed to us to be one of the countries where so-called “ethical” surrogacy is best supervised. It is alongside French associations that we have been able to find the right contacts. Their forums allow intended parents to exchange experiences. Certain names of agencies and clinics came up often, so we made appointments and made our choice with all our conscience. Our decision was particularly influenced by how the process was explained to us. The agency we chose did it very well and was reassuring by stressing that ethical surrogacy is tripartite: the intended parents, the egg donor and the surrogate. Our children are genetically linked to the first, but not to the second.
A desire for transparency
After choosing the egg donor, we went to the United States to donate the sperm. As for the surrogate woman, she chooses us, we had no power over her decision. We put together a file in which we detailed our desire for parenthood, the meaning it had for us, what we were looking for, etc. Finding a carrier woman who agrees to take part in our project is the longest step, you have to take your troubles patiently. Carrying a child for others is an important choice that cannot be decided overnight. Our file finally caught the attention of one of them, then everything happened.
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The egg donor can choose to be known or not, that is to say, accept to be contacted by parents or children later. This aspect was very important to us and we keep a precious link with the donor. We really wished that our children could, if they want, get to know her one day and learn more about their origins.
Make parenting more accessible
We were lucky, my husband and I, to be able to become parents, but unfortunately this is not given to all same-sex couples. The financial aspect has a lot to do with it. As far as we are concerned, we went to California for more than three months to await the birth of our twins and stayed there for a while so as not to make them take the plane too early. It was quite a challenge, we had to organize ourselves to work remotely, etc. It all comes at a cost. The price of a surrogacy course depends on a lot of factors, but roughly it is the price of a house.
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If the desire for parenthood could be deployed more easily, so that more people could benefit from it, that would be great. Right now, many same-sex couples cannot access it and that is not normal.
Society is changing
There is still a long way to go, it’s obvious, but I still find that the company is moving in the right direction. We are fortunate to live in Île-de-France, where it is relatively common to meet different families. In the street or in institutions, we have not had to deal with slanderous looks or problematic behavior. And if that happened, we would ignore them. At my level, I campaign for more tolerance and a greater openness. It is with this in mind that I decided to write a youth album, My dads, the princess and the fairy aimed at 3-5 year-olds, but which ultimately also teaches a lot to adults who are interested in it. In fact, at the start, this book was mainly produced for children who were preparing to go back to school, with the aim of providing them with the keys to understanding if they were to meet other models of families in the future. during their schooling.
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Finally, in view of all the feedback I received, I realized that this book would not only be useful for children, but also for their parents. By explaining the course of surrogacy with simplicity, it allows some adults to better understand elements that they had not fully grasped. As a general rule, this is also what happens for so-called “refractory” people, there is in fact a great lack of knowledge. When you take the time to look into the issue and talk to parents who have had surrogacy, it’s easy enough to embrace the process.
Don’t be afraid to take an interest in it and ditch your shots. When I was younger, I lived in the provinces and my homosexuality was laughed at a lot. It was during this time that I integrated this feeling of frustration: why are people so intolerant of difference? My best hope is that my children will grow up in a more tolerant world. “
Find Yoann on his Instagram account @my dads and on his site mespapas.com
Associations and forums that can help you
Finding the right contacts can be complicated and it is easy to get lost in the multitude of information and agencies. If you don’t know where to start, know that the safest advice comes from couples who have already experienced surrogacy. Get closer to associations that can put you in touch and compare the names of agencies that come up often.
If there is one thing to remember, it is that so-called “ethical” surrogacy is tripartite and cannot in any case take place between the intended parents and a surrogate. This person cannot be genetically linked to the child (s) and an egg donor must imperatively be part of the project.
Barbara ejenguele
A journalism student, Barbara is currently doing a work-study master’s degree and writes on parenthood for the Aufeminin Maman, Parole de Mamans and Avis de Mamans websites. She is also …