"You lost a lot of weight!"
The stupidest compliment in the world
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Our author is a yo-yo type. Sometimes slim, sometimes a little chubby. She has often heard the phrase "You lost weight" and every time it annoys her more.
by Marie Stadler
My summers can be divided into two categories: those in which I am overwhelmed with compliments for my weight loss success, and those in which no one says a word about my figure – because no one would rather say what they think. Why it is like that? I am simply the yo-yo trap incarnate. I love food (and very much!) And I love to fit my jeans. Depending on the situation in life, one love triumphs over the other and then the other again over the one. Personally, I don't have a big problem with that anymore. Because I like myself. In thick, in thin, in between. But what I don't like at all: The constant evaluation of my appearance from the outside. And yes: "You lost a lot of weight!" IS an evaluation!
I admit: I've already done it
To be honest: I used to "praise" friends or relatives for their weight loss success. Was that due to me? Not a bit. Because "You lost a lot of weight" implies a lot of bullshit. For example, that you were somehow less great before. That it is important at all – to the others. And that it is desirable to be particularly thin. Basically, the sentence says a lot more about the person who says it than about the person to whom it is addressed. People who are at peace with themselves and their figure don't care at all. At least not if you are moving in a safe environment. Because we are not talking about unhealthy obesity, which one can of course congratulate on overcoming, simply because it is less dangerous and less arduous. No, we're talking about a few rolls of bacon, waving arms and well-nourished cheeks that are sometimes there and sometimes not. And whether other people look like that or not, we shouldn't care. Whenever I say a sentence like "You lost a lot of weight!" of me, it revealed a lot about my own self-esteem at that moment.
Can't it just matter?
For my part, I made up my mind a long time ago that I would never say something like that again and I would be genuinely happy if as many people as possible would see it that way. Comments about weight are condescending and don't make the other person feel good a compliment should be. In truth, it just isn't. And I put it like this: The thoughts are free and I don't want to forbid anyone to focus on their perception here, but even if the first thought when we meet again is that I've become thinner, I just don't want to know. It reduces me to such an insignificant part of myself that it's almost an insult. Unfortunately, I only noticed this when I stopped focusing on how much I weigh and whether I am just right, how I look. I can really recommend stopping this self-flagellation. Because then you suddenly see the others with much friendlier eyes and a sentence like "You lost a lot of weight" doesn't even come to mind.