You shouldn’t confuse these 3 feelings with love

Love is … yes, what actually is love? Nobody really knows. And as is so often the case with uncertain things, one tries to get to the bottom of the matter with the elimination procedure. About 3 feelings that no Love are.

“A rose is a rose is a rose …” The most famous quote from the writer Gertrude Stein says (depending on the interpretation …) that things that you name are actually there.

What may apply to a rose is not so clear in love. What is love? Scientists and philosophers wear themselves down on the question. To this day, no one knows a clear answer. True love is not that easy to decipher.

This leads to the fact that we sometimes do not recognize love directly, even if it jumps towards us. And – which is even more often the case: Sometimes we take something to be love that isn’t. Here are 3 feelings that we shouldn’t confuse with love:

1. Passion

Attraction, desire, lust – sex is an important part of love. But be careful: eroticism is far from everything.

It is easy to confuse the libido alone with love: the longing for the other person, his body, his touch. The desire to have it with you, to feel it within you, to completely absorb it, never to let go of it again.

However, love has several components. It also means to fully engage with a person, to open up to him, not just sexually. Whoever loves touches not only the body of the beloved, but also his heart, his soul.

The next time you dwell in the sensory frenzy, pay attention to your heart, to your thoughts. Love is never solely a matter of the lust of the flesh. Love is (also) a conscious decision, a promise to fully engage with the other person.

Video tip: 5 signs that you can tell you’re in a happy relationship


2. Want to have

Sometimes a person doesn’t even affect us a bit. Absolutely uninteresting terrain. Zero. Nothing. Nada.

And then it happens: you hear how other people are after this person. And that she has no intention of going out with any of those people.

This is where the person becomes a desirable object. Suddenly we want it – be it because someone else has it now or be it because it pays us (too) little attention. Or both.

It’s the same urge that children feel: it’s not your own ball that is interesting, but the one that other children are playing with. It is the famous want-to-have principle that keeps itself alive once it’s in the world. Like a perpetual motion machine.

We cannot deny that this phenomenon exists. But we can warn against confusing this feeling of wanting to have real love. Because once you have conquered the coveted creature, our interest in it disappears. We become children with balls that they no longer want to play with.

3. Security

How does that sound to you: You have someone by your side who loves you, marries you and wants to start a family with you. Who has a steady job and wants to build a house. To whom you can trust everything, like your best friend.

It sounds like security doesn’t it? For the security that we long for so much in these fast-moving times. For support, surrender, trust. In short: for the perfect conditions for a relationship.

There is one catch, however: Security alone is not enough. Just as eroticism alone does not make love, security does not turn into love if there is no sexual attraction.

Just as yin and yang form a whole, love also needs two elements: the physical and the psychological. True love is a complex rarity. If you meet her, you should hold onto her, appreciate her and take care of her. Who knows when you will meet her again in its purest form …

kao
Brigitte

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