Fluid bonding involves the exchange of genital secretions in the case of consenting unprotected sex. If this practice is quite common in an exclusive relationship when it becomes "serious", it also exists in polyamory. In both cases, fluid bonding requires certain precautions to protect the sexual health of the partners.
What is "fluid bonding"?
Fluid bonding refers to the decision to stop using protections during sex and to exchange bodily fluids with your partner (s). "Fluid bonding is a term that describes a pre-established agreement between two or more people to intentionally dispense with protections", explains Luna Matatas, sex educator and creator of Peg The Patriarchy at Women's Health. This means choosing to do without condoms, female condoms, dental dams, finger cots and gloves. "For some, being linked by fluids is a step towards a more serious relationship", explains Luna Matatas. "For others, removing barriers during sex is a way to cement a milestone".
Polyamory and fluid bonding, how does it work?
In polyamorous relationships, fluid bonding is a little more complex. The choice to have a relationship involving the exchange of genital fluids affects all partners. In so-called "polyierarchical" relationships, this practice is often reserved for the base relationship, designated as the most important. For poly egalitarian or solo relationships, this can mean great trust. Anyway, if you decide to practice "fluid bonding" with one or more partners, it requires – at a minimum – screening tests and a discussion with your different partners.
Monogamous culture associates unprotected sex with exclusivity, and exclusivity with a "serious" or "special", "most intimate" or "most important" relationship. This social conditioning can continue if your partner brings up the issue of fluid bonding with someone else. This is why it is essential to discuss it beforehand and to have the feelings and the consent of your whole circle of love.
Fluid bonding, is it risky?
Very clearly: yes. Having unprotected sex carries the risk of transmission of STIs or unwanted pregnancy. Whether you are in a polyamorous relationship or exclusive, if you plan to have unprotected sex, there are several precautions to take:
- Get tested: STIs can be contracted through any form of sexual contact, including blowjobs and cunnilingus. To do a screening test, there are centers free, CeGIDDs (Gatuit Information, Screening and Diagnostic Centers), no prescription needed and everything is anonymous and confidential. You can find the addresses closest to you on the SIDA-info-service.org website. It is also possible to get tested with a prescription in an analysis laboratory.
- Talk about your results: In the event of a positive test result, tell your partner (s) so that they in turn can be screened and treated.
- Set the rules of the relationship: When you are in a non-exclusive situation, your decision to have unprotected sex with one person also affects other people you sleep with. What type of protection will you use with your other partners? How often will you be tested? What if one of you gets an STI? Make sure you are on the same page.
- Talking about contraception: STIs are not the only risk of fluid bonding. If you have heterosexual sex, pregnancy is also possible. To avoid an unwanted pregnancy, make an appointment with a doctor to find the most suitable method of contraception for you.