Aging has a bad reputation in our society. How we can break this narrative.
We live in a society that does not look favorably on the irrefutable fact that the human body ages. That our skin slackens over the years, our hair turns gray, and our joints stiffen. That as we age, changes take place in us – our bodies, but also our psyche – that we can only prevent to a limited extent.
These changes, as well as aging itself, tend to have negative consequencesas a study on behalf of the Federal Anti-Discrimination Agency makes it clear: According to this, younger people in the population often view older people and aging in general rather negatively. “Being old” is equated with dissatisfaction and depression – but that’s not true at all!
Happiness research is dedicated, among other things, to the question of at what age people are particularly happy – and no, it’s not the 20s or 30s. One study came to the conclusion that we are happiest between the ages of 65 and 79 and that we get another “happiness boost” around 70. Of course, satisfaction and happiness don’t come by themselves. It is up to us to question entrenched (social) ideas about getting older and, in the best case, to break through them. But how can you best do this?
Age is also a matter of mindset
Humans are creatures of habit – unfortunately this also applies to many ways of thinking through which we sometimes limit ourselves. For example, if you think “I can’t build a closet anyway”, you are stopping yourself from exploring and learning. In her book “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success,” psychologist Carol Dweck describes how fixed mindsets keep us trapped in black-and-white pigeonhole thinking: There is only success or failure, talent or none – and nothing in between.
This is contrasted with the “growth mindset,” i.e. the more adaptable way of solving problems and learning. Anyone who approaches challenges with such a mindset will even recognize failure as part of the path to change – and ultimately to success. Harvard professor Dr. Ellen Langer has long been researching cultural and individual ways of thinking about illness, biology, psychological well-being – and aging. Their research shows that the stories we tell ourselves have a huge impact on what we do.
In a 1981 experiment, the scientist transported eight men in their 70s back to 1959 by remodeling a monastery so that the subjects felt as if they had traveled back in time: furniture, decorations, news, music, television , films – all objects and references were from the time. There was no mirror, just photos of the men from the 20s. The results were extraordinary: The participants were more agile and skilled than a control group who were only asked to reminisce without decorations. Even her eyesight and hearing improved. Given the seemingly miraculous results, the researcher decided not to publish the study for the time being. It was only years later that the investigations were made public and Dr. Langer famous for her research.
How we can grow older positively
So it’s time to break the narrative of the depressed, sick old person – First of all, it is important that each individual deals with their own thought patterns and works to develop a “growth mindset.” A few possible ways to get there would be:
curiosity
“What would be another perspective on this?”, “How does this work?”, “What else could I try?”, “Who else could I be?” – sometimes it’s enough to ask yourself questions like these to stay flexible and adaptable. The world is changing and so can we. For example, you can look at the social image of the weakened old lady on a cane and ask yourself: “What can I do now to make myself feel better in the future? What kind of exercise can I start to strengthen my body?”
Nothing is set in stone, nothing has to stay that way “because it has always been that way”: We can be much more flexible and adaptable in our thinking and being than we ourselves – and also the society around us – are sometimes want to make believe.
Build a connection with your body
Therapist Robyn Maltz advises in an interview with “Woman’s World” to feel comfortable with your own body when it comes to aging: “This isn’t just limited to what you see in the mirror. It also means how you feel in your skin. How much energy you have throughout the day, how comfortable you feel when you walk around.” According to the therapist, it is important not to engage in negative self-talk. Ignoring the inner voice that tells you that you can’t do certain things, that you shouldn’t allow yourself to do certain things at your age.
It’s not easy to develop a skill like self-love, a positive voice that speaks against the noise of societal norms and restrictions. But as with physical exercise, maintaining a positive attitude towards yourself is a matter of practice that requires a lot of patience – and a lot of repetition.
Create a new narrative
People tell stories, and so ultimately the narrative of the old, weak woman who cannot move, who is unhappy and lonely, is ultimately nothing more than that: a story. Of course, no one is immune to becoming less mobile as they get older, losing close people and dwelling on negative thoughts.
But this development is not set in stone. We have control over the narrative, but above all over our lives, what we make of them and how we shape them. And of course also in old age.
Sources used: huffpost.com, womansworld.com, who.int, ons.gov.uk, antidiskriminierungsstelle.de, nytimes.com