Fears, worries and Co
5 Emotional Difficulties Many Single Parents Know
© Maskot
Single parents wupp quite a lot and are usually not even aware of their strength. Especially at the beginning it is an overwhelming task to handle everything alone when worries and emotional chaos rule the day. Our author knows that.
You can’t put it nicely, breakups are always difficult, sad and overwhelming, especially when children are involved. Isn’t lovesickness alone one of the worst feelings in the world? And in all this emotional chaos you still have to be strong for the children, although at the beginning you can hardly keep your head above water. There are also thoughts and fears that most single parents probably know:
1. Finance and job
In families with only one adult, the concern that there is enough money to live on monthly is only borne by the adult’s shoulders. Can I pay our rent? Is there enough money for food and clothing? What happens if I lose my job or get sick? Will the money last until the end of the month and can I offer my children a good life at all? – Questions that torment many single parents. A part-time job is usually not enough, the ice cream in the afternoon, a few cool clothes or a vacation is often not in it. In addition, there is the bad conscience of missing out on the children’s childhood because you work more than planned – full-time working mothers prefer not to start with the social recognition …
2. Guilt
It doesn’t matter whether you were abandoned, left or the separation was declared by mutual agreement: What remains is a mountain of guilt towards the children. Because you didn’t make it together, because you can’t offer them mum and dad under one roof, the supposedly healthy family whose ideal we’re still striving to emulate. could i have done more Was it worth? Were the choices we made the right ones or the wrong ones? Such what-if scenarios aren’t helpful, but they keep knocking on the door. It is then all the more important to remember why the separation came about, instead of torturing yourself with hypotheses. Over time, the mountain gets smaller, but will it ever go away?
3. Responsibility
In most cases, the children still live with their mother after a separation. An alarming number of fathers are hardly interested in their offspring and shirk their responsibilities. The responsibility for upbringing often lies on one shoulder. There is no one left to share or take some of the burden. All important decisions – which school to choose, do we have this surgery done, in which environment can we live – have to be made alone. Friends and parents can of course advise, but nothing more.
4. Self Care
It’s incredibly draining being a single parent, having to take care of everything on your own and then scraping together the energy to exercise, meet friends or do anything other than fall asleep in front of the TV at night. Still, many single parents find it difficult to take a break without feeling guilty or feeling bad about not being enough. We should leave the laundry, sometimes laundry, and do something good for ourselves instead. It is often even more difficult with social contacts, especially when the children are still small and cannot or do not want to stay at home alone. The support of friends and family is even more important. Staying connected is just as hard as setting boundaries and putting yourself first when you have no one to outsource tasks to.
5. Love
Dear love – not so easy, because somehow more questions are connected than it might have been in the past. How do I want to live? What kind of relationship do I want to have? Do I even want to get into such a close bond again? Where do you get to know the right partner and when do you involve the children? How can I possibly meet my needs without a permanent partnership? Yes, it’s true: we are strong alone, but there are moments when we just want to lean on and be held. But not at any price, because we now know: A partner is the icing on the cake, but we also enjoy it without it.