We may be in 2020, but menopause remains a taboo subject. However, it does not mark the end of existence, quite the contrary … How to live it better? Inspirational responses with director Lisa Azuelos and psychologist Élisabeth de Madre.
The menopause, a word that sounds like the death knell for some women. Or, who remains surrounded by mystery, even fantasies everything, except cheerful … However, cisgender women will be concerned for the vast majority of them. Director Lisa Azuelos and psychologist Élisabeth de Madre give us five keys to better pass this stage.
# 1 Discover a new one yourself
"A lot of times women tend to think, 'After menopause, what do I use? declares the director and author Lisa Azuelos, interviewed by aufeminin, bluntly. I can no longer have children, I don't know if they will still want me sexually … So there are two fears with many of us, that of not giving birth and of not being seen. as capable of having sexuality. That's a lot in our wallet ". That sums up the look at menopause, the result of so many injunctions made to women: stay young in body and mind, desire and be desirable … But for Lisa Azuelos, we must put an end to conditioning, and be done, this time is ideal. "Which is interesting to define what it can mean to 'be a woman' when we are no longer someone's wife or mother", she believes. A good way to go and seek deep within ourselves who we are as an individual: "When we know who we are completely, we are not afraid of running out of something, in this case, of not losing that blood again. I can even tell you that it is very good news not to have any more. its rules!, she laughs. I have to worry about tampons more when I travel and I have more to tell myself I'm going to have a stomach ache about three and a half weeks a month.
# 2 Make peace with your body
"Menopause is a taboo in particular, because it is linked to the taboo of an aging body, explains psychologist Élisabeth de Madre. 'The woman' should be beautiful, in the seduction … And then our time reinforces the fact of being more centered on the outside than the inside ". Illustration of how our society sees women after 40? "A few years ago an old man told me this sentence, says the specialist: 'at twenty a woman is not responsible for her body and face, but at forty she is "https://www.aufeminin.com/"… For Élisabeth de Madre, on the contrary, we must try to accept our new physical identity. And don't forget that cisgender men are not spared the years either: from the age of 45, the secretion of testosterone, as well as other sex hormones, decreases. If we are obviously more affected by injunctions, the pressure around physical representations is not good for anyone, and we all have to gain by deconstructing this system of thought. Lisa Azuelos inviting us "first of all to hear the word pause in 'andropause 'and' menopause "https://www.aufeminin.com/" …
# 3 accept that time passes
Many of us wonder about menopause: "Is this the beginning of the end?" But what end? First, that of reproductive capacities. Not easy to manage because motherhood has been presented for ages, wrongly, as the Holy Grail. Menopause also refers to old age and therefore, at the end of life, explains psychologist Élisabeth de Madre. "This period directly questions our relationship with death, while, moreover, this question is largely ignored in our society. Personally, I like to remind people that life is a fatal disease and that the aging process begins at birth. menopause is only a cap, with of course its difficulties, such as hot flashes or vaginal dryness. But nowadays we know better how to manage. " Lisa Azuelos, she notes that menopause marks the moment when you stop being able "to manufacture external living", but specifies: "The vital energy is still there. Is it necessarily to procreate? In 2020, we can say no. As women, our relationship with life is so skewed that as soon as we are no longer able to have babies, they say that we can no longer give life. But every morning, we give ourselves life! We create something else, a film for example, about me. " An invitation is inspiring to say the least, even when you're not a director.
# 4 find other balances
For Lisa Azuelos, this new stage of life, which she herself is going through, is definitely a source of metaphor. "Imagine a backpack full of very heavy stones : pains, tampons, mood swings … And suddenly, almost all of them are taken away from you. Menopause brings emotional and physical stability, feelings that we haven't had since we were twelve or fourteen. " However, sometimes you have to wear new stones, says the author of "Life in dare". We find ourselves without small children to cuddle, or divorced … and therefore, menopausal. How to exist as a single woman? Lisa Azuelos evokes a "double orphanage": on one side, the children who have left and on the other, his own parents who die. Everything then becomes a matter of balance. "I have a photo at home with a quote from Françoise Giroud which says: 'Of a single man, they say he is free and of a woman, they say she is alone.' I like this revealing sentence, this nuance between being free and alone ", she reports nicely.
# 5 Connect with others … and with yourself
The key to better living this stage? Talk ! Élisabeth de Madre even advising to consult professionals, in order to be well taken care of and comfortable with the transformations. According to the specialist, we must keep in mind that menopause and periods are not that different, and that both are better managed when we say the words. "In the past, mothers did not talk enough about puberty, about periods, she recalls. Today, things have changed. Menopause must follow the same path. I often tell young women, without being alarmist, that it is a biological reality and that it should not be forgotten. Nowadays we tend to deny these biological realities, we are in a strategy of all body power. " Lisa Azuelos also wants the tongues to loosen. "Menopause is a bit like a comet tail of the feminine, she develops. For years, we were afraid to say that we could be women who do not want children, that we could undertake, that we were lesbians … One of the last fears is menopause, surely because it is the last in age. As for the other fears, it is necessary to speak about it ".
Beyond the words we exchange with others, menopause can also be a phase where we focus on ourselves. Elisabeth de Madre thus encourages us to take advantage of this moment."There are in my opinion three dimensions: soul, body and spirit, she explains. I invite you to take care of your body by eating healthy / balanced and doing a little sport. And, on the psychological level, we will begin work on positive emotions, as well as a real reflection on the meaning of life. When you have chosen what you want to experience, menopause goes much better. "